A Dream of Oz

An original story by Gene Carver.
"All right places everyone. Wardrobe is everyone set? Cameras ready? Quiet on the set. Action." The little imp with the halo cocked over one horn and a director's megaphone in his hand vanished as the lights came up.

"I don't think we're in Kansas any more, Marcelle." Phoebe tried to keep her blue and white dress down as she stepped out of the ruins of the house that had brought them to this strange land. The little monkey chittered his agreement. Around them the little people tittered. They all had the faces of Joey's fourteen kids. They were called the Joeykins

"Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Haw. Haw."

Phoebe turned. "Golly, Janice, you look neat in that pink outfit with the wings."

"Pink's not my color but you should hear Monica yelling about having to wear black. Have you seen Chandler?"

"No." Phoebe consulted a much-thumbed over script. "Not until the scene at the tin woodsmen's house."

"Well, follow the yellow brick road and tell him I'm looking for him. Haw Haw." She took a swat at the Joeykins. "Get away. Stop trying to look up my dress."

The imp buzzed between them. "Cut. That's a print. Prepare for the next scene."

"Who is that?" Phoebe asked. Janice shrugged as they faded into nothingness.

When the lights came back up. The chambers of Oz the Magnificent spread out around Phoebe. Flames shot to the ceilings and smoke filled the air surrounding the giant head. "Begin action." Yelled the imp.

Phoebe clutched the tin woodsman's hand. "I hope the Great Oz can find my family and my home for me. I'm really scared."

"So am I." Said Chandler. He rubbed his face. "And I'm hot too. Have you ever tried to wear silver body paint under these lights and been encased in a can that was meant for Spam?" The imp flew down and glared at him and he quickly added. "I hope that the wizard will keep his word and give me a heart so I can relate to women and I hope he keeps that pink fairy away from me." The imp shrugged as if to say 'what can I do with material like this?'

"All I want is a brain. I really need one." Scarecrow Joey shook his bangs of straw. "My first big part and I can't remember my lines."

"Daddy, Daddy." Chorused the Joeykins as they swirled around his feet.

"Get away. Go pull the wings off the pink fairy or something."

"I need some courage." Rachel the lion clutched her tail to herself trying to keep it out of reach of the Joeykins. She was dressed in a lion-skin bikini. "Then maybe I can quit my job at the Central Perk and find something meaningful to do with my life."

"I am the Magnificent Oz." A familiar voice roared out. "Why have you returned so soon?"

Phoebe held up the silver vacuum cleaner head. "We've brought you the head of the Hoover of the wicked Monica witch of the west as you requested."

"How did you get it from her?"

"Oh it was easy, your magnificence." Scarecrow Joey told him. "I just dribbled straw all over her castle and she went crazy trying to clean it up."

"That would drive Monica insane." The wizard's face screwed up in thought. Please, fill out a card with the receptionist and make an appointment. I should be able to see you next week after the conventions are over."

Marcelle chattered excitedly, leaped from Phoebe's shoulder and ran behind a curtain. The voice of Oz broke off in a startled sqwak. A moment later a man was propelled from behind the curtain with the little monkey riding on his shoulder and nibbling on his ear.

"Marcelle stop. I'm happy to see you too."

"Ross, you're Oz?" They chorused.

"Sure. But I can only grant one wish per season and this time I choose you." He pointed toward Rachel the lion. His eyes would not leave the revealing bikini.

"You're giving me courage?"

"In a way. I'm giving you me. I'm not stupid."

"Cut!" That's a wrap." The imp flew overhead as the lights dimmed.

"What about my heart? What about my family? What about my brain? What about the mess my castle's in? Can't I have something besides pink?" Came the outraged chorus.

The imp held up a big sign with the words "To Be Continued" on it. Across his chest were emblazoned the dread runes "NBC".

And with that her dream came to an end. Phoebe sat up in bed and shook her head. "Oh wow. If that's what cold pizza after midnight and watching Judy Garland film festivals will do to you, then I'd rather watch Xandu one thousand times." She brightened. Maybe she could find it on one of the cable channels.