The One with the Mother and Child, Part 2
Written by Susan Daneem
Converted to HTML by Austin Hedeman
This is Part 2 of Susan Daneem's "The One With the Mother and Child"
find out more about this episode, see the introduction to Part 1.
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's Apartment. Morning. Monica is eating a bagel
while looking out the window. Rachel comes out of her bedroom in her
sweats. Monica's still looking out the window and her face takes on a
disgusted look. She turns away , walks to the kitchen and drops the rest
the bagel in the garbage.]
RACHEL: Whats up?
MONICA: Ugly Naked Guy is doing toe touches....
RACHEL: Eeeuuuww....[sits down and starts to pick absently at a bagel]
MONICA: Yeah..I think I just lost my appetite...Whats up with you?
RACHEL: Ohhhh...I don't know..I just have a feeling something's up with
RACHEL: Well...last night...when Ross came back and we were..y'know..and
MONICA: WAIT! Wait, wait! This isn't going to have any graphic descriptions
of...y'know... Older brother..hanky panky is it? Cause y'know the image
my parents is forever burnt into my brain..I really don't want Ross in
RACHEL: Well, anyway..he seemed very uncomfortable...[stops looks at
Monica, obviously wanting to continue]
MONICA: ....I can't believe I'm about to ask this. [sighs] Why? What were
[Rachel is about to tell her when Joey comes in]
JOEY: Oooh Bagels! [takes one and starts eating it, looking at them
innocently. Rachel and Monica look at him and then at each other. Rachel
leans over and whispers it in her ear, Monica's face takes on a mortified
RACHEL: ...and then all I said was "Come to Mama!" and he nearly
of the bed! .....So ...what d'ya think?
MONICA: I think...I just lost my appetite for the rest of my
life.....[hands the plate of bagels to Joey, who grins happily]
[Scene: Exterior of a building. Chandler is pacing, trying to work up the
guts to go up the steps. He goes up 1 then comes down, takes a run halfway
up then comes down, finally takes a deep breath bounds up the steps and
about to open the door when Janice emerges with the baby in a wheeler.]
JANICE: [surprised and disturbed] Chandler! What are you doing here!?!
CHANDLER: ..Hey..Janice..I need to talk to y-...
JANICE: [hurriedly] I can't talk right now Chandler I have to go....
[starts to lift the wheeler and baby down the steps, Chandler helps her]
CHANDLER: Janice I really think we need to talk!
JANICE: [looking over her shoulder as if afraid someone will come out]
can't Chandler! [cab pulls up, she picks up the baby, hands it to Chandler.
Who finds himself staring into it's face]
CHANDLER: [stunned, then breaks into a smile] Hey little guy...do you know
who I am? Do ya?....d'ya..d'ya?!
[Janice has packed all the gear into the cab and takes the baby back, and
clambers in. Chandler leans down]
JANICE: I'm sorry Chandler, I have to go...I just can't talk to you right
now! [cab starts to move]
CHANDLER: Janice! Janice we have to talk, we have to talk about
this....[cab drives off]
[Chandler stands in the middle of the street, staring after it. The door
the apartment house opens again and Janice's husband emerges, he's a cop
and is holstering his gun as he comes out. He stops and eyes Chandler
suspiciously. Chandler sees him and the gun...smiles nervously and slowly
[Scene: The hallway outside Mrs Green's room. Ross is standing outside
door practicing his speech]
ROSS: Hey Sandr...no too personal..need some distance....Hey Mrs. Greene!
About last night! When you...tried to play tonsil tennis with me?...tongued
your daughter's boyfriend?...Arggh!!... O.K...O.K relax, Ross...we're both
adults..she's a little more adult...but still, we can talk this out..it
probably just some kind of misunderstanding...she just had one too many
[The door opens, revealing Mrs Green in a black negligee. She beams at
and throws herself into his arms]
SANDRA: Ross! What a wonderful surprise! [Ross has reverted back to his
tongue tied, bolt upright, wide eyed position] Come in! [leads him in and
closes the door]
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's Apartment. Rachel is getting ready to go
Picks up her bag and heads towards the door]
RACHEL: Bye Mon! I'm off to work!
MONICA: [from her room] O.K! See ya! [closes the bedroom door]
[Rachel goes out the door, but catches her hand on the latch]
RACHEL: Ow! Ow! Ow! Damn... [its bleeding so she turns around and goes
the bathroom, closing over the door. Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: [calls out] Monica?...Rachel?
MONICA: [coming out of her room] Hey Phoebs, Rachel's just gone out....
PHOEBE: Oh! Good! [Rachel overhears this in the bathroom and frowns, moving
closer to the door] ....Ooooh, you are not going to believe what happened
MONICA: What?!What?!What?! [Phoebe sits down at the kitchen table]
PHOEBE: Well...first, y'know Chandler & Janice?
MONICA: Yesss Phoebs...I am familiar with their work.
PHOEBE: O.K! Well, y'know Janice was...[makes a pregnant tummy with her
MONICA: [getting eager] Yes! Yes?
PHOEBE: Well we ran into mother and child yesterday...and...well lets'
say he won't be working for Ebony magazine any time soon...
MONICA: [frowns, not getting it...Rachel does the same in the bathroom...]
PHOEBE: So!....Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Thats right, you weren't there...Janice's
husband...is..is..is..a Son of Africa!
MONICA: And the baby?
PHOEBE: Is most definitely a native of Bingland!
[Monica & Rachel's jaws drop]
MONICA: Oh my God! Oh my God! Really? My God! Chandler a Father!.....
PHOEBE: Yeah....he's gone to talk to her.
MONICA: Oh my God!!! [Rachel goes to come out]
PHOEBE: But that's not all! There's more! [Rachel stops]
MONICA: What more? What more?
PHOEBE: Yeah...only this one's about Ross! [Rachel gets real interested]
MONICA: WHAT?! Tell me! Tell me!...don't tell me Julie is...[Rachel widens
her eyes in horror]
PHOEBE: NO! Noo! No,no,no,no...[Rachel is relieved] ...It's worse...[Rachel
MONICA: [Grabbing Phoebe by the shoulders and shaking her] Phoeeeebe! Tell
PHOEBE: O.K! O.K! O.K!...I hate the way you get all twirly like that, it
makes me forget what I was talking about.....Ermmmm.....
PHOEBE: Oh Yeah! Rachel's Mom hit on Ross last night!
[Monica gasps & there's a thud from the bathroom, and Monica &
out of their seats.
[Scene: Sandra's hotel room]
SANDRA: [from the bathroom] Take a seat Ross, I'll be out shortly.
[Ross sits on the bed, looks around for a second then realises he's sitting
on the bed in his girlfriend's mothers room and leaps off settling on a
hard chair instead]
ROSS: Mrs. Green?
SANDRA: What happened to Sandra?
ROSS: Well San..Mrs. Green, I really think we uh...need to have a
[She comes out of the bathroom, dressed in Donna Karan suit, much to Ross's
relief. Her face is serious and all the lightheartedness gone.]
SANDRA: This is about last night isn't it?...What a stupid question...of
course it's about last night! What else could it be about?!?! [goes to
window and stares out. Ross stands up] You know Ross, I think I drank more
last night than I've drunk in the last 6 months put together....
ROSS: [relievedly] ...Yeah! I guess you did have a few too many! [Sandra
gives him a look] Not that it showed or anything!!!!.....anyway I guess
was just the highballs and the champagne and stuff...we'll just forg...
SANDRA: Let me finish Ross...
ROSS: [sits down again] Sorry.
SANDRA: I know I had too much to drink last night and that, that, may
account for how I behaved outside the door last night...but...
ROSS: [stands up again, hurriedly] But?...no b-b-buts...uh-uh...It had
be that!....Ummm I'll just go now.. and we need think no more about
it...don't have to mention it to Rachel or anyone! [goes to the door]
SANDRA: Ross. [he stops. not looking at her] I've given it a great deal
thought and...and ..and..I realise that I've got feelings for you...
ROSS: Ffff..fff.ffff.ffff...[takes a deep breath]..fffeelings?
SANDRA: ....I think I may have fallen in love with you.
[Ross looks like he's going to faint]
ROSS: I'd really like to go now...only I can't seem to remember how to
[Scene: Monica & Rachel'a apartment. Phoebe and Monica are seated either
side of Rachel dosing her with hot -sweet tea]
MONICA: Here drink this, Phoebe made it special. [puts the tea cup to her
mouth, Rachel swallows some, then nearly chokes]
RACHEL: Oh my God! Phoebs! How much sugar did you put in that!!
PHOEBE: The usual...6 spoonfuls...[Monica picks up a spoon and tries to
stir the tea, it stands up in it]
PHOEBE: No. Tablespoons [Rachel & Monica stare at her] What?! Grandma
she used to give it to Grandad all the time...he was kinda high strung
prone to nervous attacks.
RACHEL: Ummmm...Phoebs, how did your Grandfather die?
PHOEBE: Diabetic shock. [Rachel & Monica exchange looks. Before Rachel's
mind wanders back to the problem at hand.]
RACHEL: Phoebe, are you sure you heard right? My Mom hit on my boyfriend
PHOEBE: I'm sorry..yes.
RACHEL: And..and..how did he uh....react?
PHOEBE: OH! Honey, Ross was great!! He was completely nauseated, looked
like he was going to hurl 3 or 4 times! [demonstrates] Bleahhhhhh!
Hhhhueeeey! Urrrgh! Rrrrraaaallllpph!!!
MONICA: O.K! O.K! Phoebs I think we get the idea!
RACHEL: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..OH NO! Now it's official!
MONICA: What? What?!!!
PHOEBE: What's official?
RACHEL: My life ...has just qualified for a Ricky Lake special!!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting alone on the couch staring into
his latte. Rachel, Phoebe and Monica enter. Monica sees Chandler, takes
step towards him eagerly then remembers Rachel]
MONICA: [Not really looking at Rachel] Are you gonna be O.K sweetie?
RACHEL: Well..I guess, maybe wor-
MONICA: Thats good! [rushes over to Chandler]
RACHEL: -k will help me get my mind off this until I can talk to Ross and
Mom [loudly so Monica can hear from the door] AFTER ALL IT'S ONLY A MAJOR
TOTAL DISASTER IN MY LIFE!!!
PHOEBE: Ohhhhh...you sure you're gonna be able to hang out till Ross gets
RACHEL: [gratefully] Yeahhh..thanks Ph-
PHOEBE: O.K! [rushes over to the couch]
[Rachel makes her way over to the counter to get her apron etc, then goes
into the store room after shooting daggers looks at Phoebe & Monica
ensconced either side of Chandler, who is still staring into his latte]
MONICA: Sooo...what happened with Janice?
CHANDLER: I would have thought that was obvious.
MONICA: I meant today!!
PHOEBE: Yeah! What did she say?!!
MONICA & PHOEBE: Nothing!?!
CHANDLER: She drove off in a taxi before I got a chance to say anything...
MONICA: Well you gotta try again! You can't just...
CHANDLER: Just what Monica?! She obviously doesn't want me in either her
the baby's life!!
MONICA: Chandler, honey. You don't know that! She's probably just [Ross
Joey enter, Phoebe and Monica are instantly distracted] ...scared...
CHANDLER: [hopefully] You think?
PHOEBE & MONICA: [getting up, looking at Ross hanging up his coat]
CHANDLER: Well...wha.. [Phoebe & Monica rush over to Ross & Joey
JOEY: I found him sitting outside the apartment block...I think he has
ROSS: [looks around trying to find his barings] Hhhhii.
PHOEBE: Oooh what happened, what happened?! [Joey guides Ross over to the
couch by the window because Chandler has stretched out on the ususal one.
MONICA: Did she apologise? Was she drunk?
ROSS: [finally focusing on where he is] Central Perk....Central Perk!!
[grabs Joey by the shirt] You brought me to Central Perk?! That's like
bringing a drowning man to the Marianas Trench!! What if...what if
Rachel...[goes to get up and get out, Rachel walks out of the storeroom
sees him immediately, he tries to be cool]....Hey Rache! Quite a night
Woah! Only just recovering now!! We should do it again some time...go out
ROSS: ..yeah..uh..next time we'll go to...
MONICA: Ross! She knows....
ROSS: ...knows...she knows...Uhh...you know? [sinks down into the seat
ROSS: How did you...[focuses on Phoebe, who looks the other way and starts
to chew on her hair]
RACHEL: I think we should talk.
ROSS: I was afraid you were gonna say that.
RACHEL: Come on...[opens the store room door and motions him inside, he
slinges in and she follows him, closing the door behind them]
MONICA, PHOEBE & JOEY: Damn!!!! [they focus on Chandler, and smiles
up their faces, the descend on him again]
MONICA: Chandler? Lets talk!
[Scene: Central Perk Store room. Rachel parks herself on top of some crates
and looks at Ross expectantly, Ross looks at her then takes a deep breath]
ROSS: O.k, O.k...look Rachel I don't know what to say! All I did was be
nice to your Mom you know? Tried to be a little charming...flatter her
bit...I never uh...never expected her to...to...well you know!
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: You do?
RACHEL: Ross, I don't blame you for this..
ROSS: You don't?
RACHEL: No! [Ross deflates] You were great! Now that I think about
it....she was obviously drunk and just forgot herself...you saw how many
highballs she had...I guess we Green women tend to be impulsive when we've
had a, uh... few too many! [grins] I'll bet she was reeeallly embarrased
when you went to talk to her this morning. [Ross tenses up again]
Soooo....what did she say? [Ross swallows]
[Scene: Central Perk]
CHANDLER: But what about her husband? You know...the big burly guy with
kick ass look and the cannon masquerading as a gun? How d'ya think he's
gonna react to me waltzing in and claiming his kid as mine?
MONICA: [thinks] You've got to get Janice on her own somewhere!
PHOEBE: Huh-uh! I don't know Monica...that's how he got into this in the
MONICA: Look, call her number, if she's there set up a time to meet her,
somewhere neutral where her husband won't walk in on you.
CHANDLER: How about...Switzerland? [Monica gets the phone, and hands it
JOEY: Go ahead man! It can't hurt!
CHANDLER: O.K! You haven't seen this guy close up! With the gun and..and
the..the nightstick an..and the muscles and...[trails off and reluctantly
dials, waits, someone answers, Chandler's eyes widen in horror] Hi! Is
Janice's husband? Hi! This is..this is..this..is Joey Tribbiani!! [Joey
nearly chokes, Chandler puts his hand over the mouthpiece] Hey..you said
wasn't going to hurt, now it won't hurt YOU! [into the receiver, imitating
Joey] Yeah! Hey! I was kinda wonderin' whether Janice would be
there?....Oh..well do you know where I could reach her..it's kind of an
emergency!.....Yeah I'm that Joey Tribbiani...yeah...that Yo-yo Chandler
guy's friend...Nooo, he still hasn't found a girlfriend....Noo he's still
hanging round with ..look could I just get her number it's kinda
surprise...yeah a party for the poor schmo...you know...lousy job, no
life...anyway I was hopin' Janice would....759-8271 that's great! Thanks,
thanks a lot! Yeah see you at the party!! [h angs up] hhhhO.k!
MONICA: Great! Now all you have to do is ring Janice and organise a time
CHANDLER: Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-HAH! That's all! That's all I have
do! How about getting acknowledgement that the child is mine...avoiding
being killed by her husband..custody battles..child support payments,
birthday & Christmas gifts, proper schooling....
JOEY: Alright Chandler I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves
CHANDLER: [gets up and starts pacing] Aww God! Why can't I get easy
problems like Ross?
[There's a loud crash from the storeroom and a loud shriek from Rachel]
RACHEL: SHE SAID WHAT!?!?!?!?
[Scene: Hotel lobby. Chandler is sitting there nervously, 6 or 7 empty
espresso cups in front of him. Janice enters. He stands up and waves her
JANICE: Chandler. What was so important that you had to ring me 6 times
CHANDLER: Janice....lets sit down Janice. [they do but Chandler keeps
bouncing up and down]
JANICE: [looking at the espresso cups] O.K Chandler why are you so nervous?
Why did you chase after me this morning, Why do you drink so much coffee?!
It's really not good for someone with your dispostion, y'know?
CHANDLER: I think you know what this is all about Janice...
JANICE: [her eyes widen a little] Oh No Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yes Janice! Yes! It's about you and me and....
JANICE: No Chandler, I can't have this conversation..I can't do it...
CHANDLER: We have to Janice...I can't take it anymore..seeing you with
and not....[takes a deep breath] I didn't think I'd ever be able to face
this, but now I know...I can do this...
JANICE: My God! Chandler Bing! I'd given up ever hoping to hear you say
something like that to me!.....but its too late Chandler...too late..
CHANDLER: Noooo! It's not too late! We can work this out! He's still young
JANICE: [interupts] Whoa! Whoa! Who's still young..
CHANDLER: ....the baby!
JANICE: What's my son got to do with you and me?!?!
CHANDLER: You and Me?
JANICE: Yeah! That's what you were talkin....that's not what you were
CHANDLER: Noooooooo Nooooo Nooo Noooo Noo!
JANICE: Then what the hell are you babbling about Chandler Bing?!!
[Scene: Mrs Green's hotel room. There's a knock on the door, Sandra opens
it and Rachel is there. She marches in]
SANDRA: Hi Sweetie! What...[sees the look on Rachel's face]...Oh...
RACHEL: O.K Mom! You have 30 seconds to tell me why you hit on my boyfriend
and then told him you loved him! What the hell are you doing!?!
SANDRA: [guiltily] I don't know what to say Rachel.
RACHEL: You don't know what to say? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!?! HOW COULD
YOU DO THIS TO ME! No..no..never mind me, how could you do this to Ross?
He's virtually catatonic!
SANDRA: Oh. I never meant for..
RACHEL: [pacing] For what Mom? For WHAT!?! For you to blow up both our
lives!!! I mean you turn up in town a few months ago and tell me about
and Daddy, then proceed to try and be one of the girls! You and Daddy act
like a couple of petulant kids at Jill's graduation, make Ross and the
others act like idiots at my birthday party just to keep you two
apart...NOW..you decide that it's not enough to chase men all over the
slopes, you have to go all the way back to the mental age of 15 and steal
SANDRA: Your father was at your birthday party?
SANDRA: [sinks to the bed] I know..I know sweetie...I really don't know
what's come over me lately, between this and the Hamptons....
RACHEL: The Hamptons? What the hell happened in the Hamptons...
SANDRA: You remember Jack?
RACHEL: Jack..Jack...please tell me it's not Jack Geller!
SANDRA: NO! No! Jack the young man who worked on the beach with the deck
chairs and everything...you and Jill used to have a crush on him..
RACHEL: Oh. Yeah, I remember him. What?! Don't tell me you...and
SANDRA: [nods] Hmm-mmm...Rachel honey, I've just been so alone lately.
house is so big, and even though your father and I never talked much at
least when he was there...well he was there..if you know what I mean. Jack
and I, well...we were just physical..I had so much to make up for and we...
RACHEL: Whoa! Whoa! No details please! I've seen Monica's reaction to this
sort of thing!
SANDRA: ...well..anyway, it was just a physical relationship, if you can
believe that at my age! There was no talking, no intimacy...and when you
and I went to Vale the men up there were the same, but Ross...Ross paid
attention, you know? He actually listened, he made me feel better about
myself...I was beginning to think men like that don't exist...I guess his
attentions kind of swept me off my feet....
RACHEL: Goddamnit Mother! I'm sorry you're lonely but that's just not a
good enough reason! There is no excuse for what you've done!
SANDRA: I know..I know!
RACHEL: Well....I guess...I guess I don't really want to see you
anymore..[goes to the door] ...at least for a while...
SANDRA: Rachel! I....[Rachel leaves]
[Scene: Hotel Lobby. Chandler & Janice. Janice is laughing hysterically]
JANICE: [holding her sides] You.....you..you thoug...
JANICE: [wipes tears away] You thought that......
CHANDLER: For God's sake JANICE!!!
JANICE: Oh Oh Oh! I'm sorry Chandler....[laughs again]....Oooh...um..You
actually thought that my baby was your baby! But I told you way back that
CHANDLER: [beginning to feel sheepish] Well Yes...but not exactly and then
I saw him and I...I mean he looks like me...kinda...and he certainly
doesn't look like your husband!
JANICE: Well of course he doesn't!
CHANDLER: [confused] What...what...what do you mean?
JANICE: [taking his hand] Chandler honey...it's not his baby either.
CHANDLER: But then if he isn't ...and I isn't....then who isn't ...I mean
JANICE: Chandler, I did date other guys y'know...I mean I didn't wait by
the phone all the time waiting for you to ring and then dump me...and then
ring and dump me and ring and dump me..
CHANDLER: O.K O.K Janice!....So you were..y'know..
CHANDLER: Yeah..that...before you got married?
CHANDLER: And your husband had no problem with that?
JANICE: Nope...[looks fondly at him].....Funny isn't it?
CHANDLER: What's funny?
JANICE: That I should meet and marry a man that is the complete opposite
you when it comes to relationships, after all that time carrying a torch
for you... [Chandler looks kind of sad]
JANICE: Aww..Chandler honey..you'll find someone someday...[gets up]
...when you grow up. Until then...CHEER UP! I mean you got what you always
wanted, no ties..no relationships..no worries!!
CHANDLER: ..I guess..[stands up and cheers up] ..Yeah! You're right!!!!
[hops around a bit]
JANICE: That's my Chandler! I gotta go...it's my Mom's birthday and I've
got to finish organising the party..
CHANDLER: O.K! [She turns to go] Ooh! By the way don't be surprised if
receive an invitation to come to a surprise party for me...
CHANDLER: Never mind. [kisses her on the cheek] See ya round Janice. Be
happy, take care of that handsome little boy and tell that husband of yours
what a lucky guy he is.
JANICE: Bye Chandler Bing.
CHANDLER: Bye Just Janice.
[Janice leaves and Chandler watches her go. His smile fades for a moment,
then three gorgeous women pass him by and smile at him, he grins to himself
and skips out the door singing the Beatles: "Free as a Bird"]
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's apartment. Evening. Phoebe & Joey are
couch. Monica is on the seat. Ross is staring out the window. Rachel enters
dejected. Everyone stands up bar Ross who doesn't move.]
RACHEL: Hey. [hangs up her coat]
PHOEBE: So how'd it go with your Mom?
RACHEL: Ohhhh...I told her I didn't want to see her again...[everyone looks
shocked]...at least for a while...
PHOEBE: Wow....intense..[Ross stands up, Rachel gives him a weak smile]
RACHEL: Hey you.
ROSS: Hey you....C'mere. [She makes her way over to him and he envelops
in a hug.] Ohh..I'm so sorry sweetheart...I feel like this is all my fault.
RACHEL: No. No, you were only trying to help...I can't believe she could
so selfish as to do something like this...Oh God...
[there's a knock on the door. Joey goes to answer it. He opens the door
Sandra is standing there apprehensively]
SANDRA: Hello Joey. Can I come in?
[Joey looks over at Rachel & Ross, who break. Rachel nods.]
JOEY: Sure! [ushers her in, everyone has expectant looks on their faces]
RACHEL: Mom. When I said I didn't want to see you for a while, I meant
longer than 30 minutes!!!
SANDRA: I know sweetie, but I had to do this before I could chicken out
MONICA: [moves to stand beside, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey] Emm...do you
guys want us to go?
SANDRA: No dear..I'm glad your all here...I think this should be said with
[Monica and the others nod solemnly, then mouth a silent "YES!"
other and sit down quickly with eager looks on their faces]
SANDRA: Rachel...Ross...I owe you both a huge apology for what I
did...Nothing I was feeling could possibly excuse my behaviour to both
you. [walks over to them] Ross...I should never have told you that I
thought I loved you...it was stupid, and it was untrue...
ROSS: It...it was?
SANDRA: Yes. I was just bowled over by your attentiveness, and caring...you
gave me more of that in one day than I've had in almost 6 years...you'd
think at my age you'd be able to tell the difference between gratitude
affection and love, now wouldn't you? [touches his face] You are a sweet
boy Ross Geller, and I'm very glad my daughter discovered it....I'm truly
sorry to have embarrased you like this, after all you've done.
ROSS: ....I don't know what to say...I guess I was kinda flattered, but
gotta tell you Mrs Green...I'm sooooo glad you're not in love with me
SANDRA: [laughs] Oh Me too! Can you imagine...Me with..YOU!! [laughs
harder, Ross stops laughing] Oh! Oh! Don't get me wrong Ross, I meant all
those things I said about you, it's just I'm not cut out to be a "Sugar
Mommy", y'know? [looks at Rachel] Sweetheart nothing I can say can
make either you or I feel better. You were right! I was acting like a
selfish spoilt child..and now I've lost your trust and respect, the trust
and respect of the one person in the world I truly wanted!
RACHEL: My..my..trust and respect? Why?
SANDRA: You don't get it do you? You've got everything I've always wanted!
The courage to get out and make it on my own! To get and keep a job! To
have real friends and a man that truly loves me! And you went and did it
all! I admire and respect you more than anyone I've ever known!!!
SANDRA: Really. And now I've ruined it all. You gave me the courage to
finally get up and get out of the sterile bubble I called a life, and I
wanted to make you proud of me, and what do I do? Because my life doesn't
fall straight into place I...I start to feel sorry for myself and try to
take the easy way out and grab your life instead...I'm so sorry, Rachel
honey. [looks at her watch] I better go there's a taxi waiting
downstairs..[she walks to the door, opens it and looks back at Rachel]...if
you want to..to..well, I'll be at your sisters for a while, until the house
[goes out the door and starts to close it behind her. Rachel takes a step
RACHEL: Mom? [the door swings open again and Sandra looks in]
SANDRA: Yes sweetheart?
RACHEL: ...Come back soon...O.K?
SANDRA: [slowly breaks into a smile] Are you kidding? When this is all
over, I'll be back with bells on! And New York, won't know what's hit it!
I'm going to take this town by storm!! I guarantee you!!! Bye sweetie!
ALL: Bye! [she leaves but leaves the door open]
CHANDLER: Woah! Does anyone else feel like they've just been in an episode
[From outside in the hall]
MR TREEGER: Hey Mrs. Green!
SANDRA: Hello Mr. Treeger, lovely day isn't it?
MR. TREEGER: Yep it certainly is a...YOWW!! Hey lady whadidItellya about
[Scene: Janice's mothers birthday party. Janice and her family are seated
around. Janice's husband enters with toys 'n stuff for the baby.]
JANICE'S HUSBAND: Hey there! Look what I've got for you!
[He gives the baby a stuffed elephant and a Baywatch baseball cap. Then
pulls out a cassette tape from his pocket. Janice comes over]
JANICE: You got him a Baywatch cap?
JANICE'S HUSBAND: Yeah well..I noticed whenever it's on he goes real quiet
and gets this real happy look on his face! Y'know gurgling an' smiling
JANICE: Smiling! It's probably just gas! Most likely brought on by the
sight of Pamela Lee, the baby lunchmobile! [looks at the cassette] Whatcha
JANICE'S HUSBAND: It's a collection of fairy tales, I got it off the
bargain rack in one of the stores in the Village. [sticks the cassette
the stereo, presses play Janice reads the box.]
JANICE: The Complete Brothers Grimm as read by Yanni?!
[Yanni's voice can be heard reading the start of Hansel and Gretel. The
baby does a vicious doubletake eerily reminiscent of Chandler and bursts
into a screaming crying fit. Janice's husband looks at her confused, she
gives him a weak shrug and picks up the baby.]