The One With the Cousin

Fanfic by: Zoe

Date: 5/3/99

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright,
Kaufman and Crane.

This is a Season 5 episode, between "TOW All the Kips" and "TOW All the Resolutions". In short, Joey knows about Chandler and Monica, but Rachel doesn't. Or we can just pretend that TOW All the Resolutions never happened. Whatever. This is my first stab at Fanfic, so please don't expect me to be the greatest writer on the planet. And it's kinda long, I just have too many ideas in my head. You can email me with questions, comments, whatever at

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Apartment. Everyone is there eating breakfast around the table.]

MNCA: (Hanging up the phone). Hey, Ross, guess what. Our cousin Laura's daughter Andrea [pronounced an-dray-a] is coming up here to visit us for a few days
ROSS: Cousin Laura? As in Uncle Tom's evil daughter, Laura?
MNCA: She is not evil.
ROSS: Well she didn't try to set you on fire with a toy rocket, now did she? (Monica gives a kind of confused "well..." look).
RACH: Wait, hold on. Is she staying with us?
MNCA: Yeah.
RACH: And did you think to ask me? I live here too ya know.
MNCA: Well, I figured you'd be at work a lot so you wouldn't mind. Do you?
RACH: Sure, I don't care, let her stay. (Monica looks at her strangely)
JOEY: So what's Andrea like?
MNCA: Oh, she's a sweet girl. Last time we saw her was 10, I think, and that was about 5 years ago, so that would make her about 15 or 16.
CHAN: And you're using the words "sweet" to describe a teenager?
MNCA: Yeah. Why can't teenagers be sweet?
RACH: 'Cuz it's like a universal law! Teenagers can't be good girls! They have to be rebels, independent. Unless you're on the Chess Team
MNCA: Hey! I was on the Chess Team! (a pause) Anyway, I don't remember everyone around me being bad when I was a teenager.
CHAN: No, Mon, you had enough bad in your body for the entire class. (Monica gives him a dirty look)
PHOE: Monica's right, not all teenagers are evil and angry. It all depends on your Aura! See I had a bad aura 'cuz I was living in a box, but most people live in normal houses so they have good auras!
MNCA: Anyway, she's coming, aura and all.
CHAN: For her sake, let's just hope that aura doesn't spill something on the couch.

[Opening Credits as usual]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Apartment. Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Rachel are there waiting for Ross and Monica to arrive with Andrea. Chandler and Rachel are on the couch, Phoebe is on the floor and Joey is in the chair.]

(Ross, Monica and Andrea enter with various pieces of luggage).
ROSS/MNCA: Hey everyone! etc..
C,R,J,P: Hi! etc..
MNCA: Everyone, this is Andrea-
DREA: (softly and quickly) Drea (correcting her)
MNCA: Oh, sorry. Just Drea (pronounced draya). Drea, this is everyone, this is Rachel, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe.
DREA: Hey.
C,R,J,P: Hey/Hi Drea, etc..

[Drea is not your typical valley girl, angst-ridden teenager, or sociable relative. She talks in a low, slightly monotonal, but not boring, tone, kind of like the cartoon "Daria" on MTV. She's, actually, like Jane from "Daria", she's an artsy person, and is very sarcastic. She doesn't like to talk a lot, but when she does she can go off on all kinds of things. She dresses kind of vintage/anti-fashion. She likes black and funky (NOT trendy) little shirts. She is wearing a loose, knee-length black skirt, some black diamond-patterned tights, black 8-hole Dr. Martens boots, a red and black ringer tee shirt with a picture of a cat on it, and a long, army green coat.]

ROSS: Yeah, Chandler and Joey are my roommates, Rachel is Monica's roommate, and Phoebe....lives somewhere else. (Drea nods).
MNCA: So Drea, you can put your stuff in my room, (walking towards it) and we don't have an extra one, but I have a cot that you can put wherever you like.
DREA: Um, here's fine. (she is standing kind of next to the window)
MNCA: Here? In the living room? Next to the window?
DREA: Uh, yeah. I can see the moonlight.
CHAN: (whispering to Rachel) She'd see a moon if Ugly Naked Guy came back (they both snicker and everyone looks at them). What?

Fade to:
[That night: Everyone's been talking, telling Drea about themselves, stories, etc. Rachel, Chandler and Monica are on the couch, in that order, Ross is on the arm of the couch, Drea is in the chair, and Joey and Phoebe are on the floor.]

ROSS: So, Drea, what do you like to do? You know, after school and stuff?
DREA: Um...nothing. My school doesn't believe in homework so usually I just sit on my bed listening to my Tori Amos CD with the volume at maximum and then wonder what I'm doing there in the first place. (everyone gives her blank stares and there's a pause) I also like to sing and take photographs
ALL: Oh!/Cool! etc..
PHOE: I sing at the cafe downstairs. Maybe we could do a duet! Ooh! we could do Smelly--
DREA: Oh, I don't sing in public. Only to my cat (pause). I also write song lyrics and then post them around my school along with distorted pictures to see it anyone can actually understand their meaning (more blank stares and a pause). So, enough about me. Um, are any of you guys..uh...together?
ALL: No/Uh-uh. (little laughs, etc..except Chandler, Monica and Joey, who give each other nervous looks, and then laugh uneasily.)
RACH: Ross and I were together, but he slept with another woman.
ROSS: We were-
ALL: on a break...we know (Everyone rolls their eyes, etc..except Drea, who gives the same Monica confused "okay.." look.)
CHAN: (changing the subject) So? Drea, where do you live?
DREA: Sunshine, Minnesota
CHAN: appropriate.
JOEY: But you don't talk like the people in "Fargo".
DREA: Yeah, well I moved there when I was 13. And I don't wanna start sounding like some dim-witted cartoon character so I just tune out my brain and read peoples lips. It's actually a quite useful method. That way, I don't have to listen to how the head cheerleader thinks Hester Prine being branded with the Scarlett Letter is nothing compared to having flat hair and a zit the day of the pep rally.
JOEY: Oh ya? (imitating the "Fargo people).
RACH: (mouthing words to Monica) Rebel (Monica gives her a look, and Rachel looks over at Drea, remembering she can read lips).
PHOE: (getting up) Well, I better get going. Tonight's my Yoga class with my grandmother, and she hates to miss it.
CHAN: Yoga with your grandmother?
PHOE: Yeah!! Its so funny watching her try to get into Trikonosana {yes, that's a real Yoga pose}. (everyone gives her a weird look as she leaves)
ROSS: I'm not gonna ask.
CHAN: (getting up) Well, I'm gonna go do my laundry {not}
MNCA: Hey! Good idea! I think I'll join you! Do you mind, Drea?
DREA: No, go ahead. I'll just stay here and learn how to speak New York so maybe I can teach everyone in my town not to sound so damn stupid.
JOEY: Yeah! New York Baby!! (in an exaggerated New York accent)
DREA: Well, maybe not as stupid.
(Monica and Chandler leave as the scene fades out)

[Scene: The next morning, Sunday. Monica is cooking breakfast, Drea and Rachel are still asleep, and the guys are in their apartment.]

(Chandler enters quietly, and Monica doesn't notice him. He comes up behind her and grabs her waist. She is startled, and turns around holding up a spatula for protection)

CHAN: (over dramatic) Oh no, it's the attack of the killer spatula!
MNCA: (gives him a "haha, very funny" look) You are so NOT funny. Oh my god, see what you're doing to me?
CHAN: I like it. (he smirks and kisses her)

(Meanwhile, Drea stirs and wakes up, but Chandler and Monica are so busy kissing they don't notice her. There is a big "Oh" heard from the audience. She sits up in bed, and gets an interested, but not very surprised, look on her face once she sees Chandler and Monica. She reaches in her open bag to take out her camera and takes a picture,. Upon hearing the camera, Chandler and Monica jump apart and look at her, but she has quickly put the camera back in her bag)

MNCA: Drea!! Uh..hi. Um...that was..uh..not what you see, Chandler was..uh...
CHAN: Checking her tonsils! Yeah...her throat felt scratchy so I was..uh.. checking it,.. for any infection....
DREA: (walking to and sitting down at the table) I told you, the rest of my town is stupid...
MNCA: Okay, you caught us. Aren't you gonna make some big shocked gasp or something.
DREA: Well, if it'll make you feel better, <GASP!> (she doesn't say "gasp", she does a really fake sounding, overly dramatic gasp).
CHAN: (pause) Well aren't you gonna ask us why were making out in the kitchen? Or do friends make out in kitchens a lot where your from?
DREA: (gives him a look) I pretty much figured it out myself. See, at first I noticed that there was a closeness between you two, so I thought, maybe there was something going on, which is why I asked the question. Then when you said no I was slightly confused, considering the looks you give each other. So it actually makes more sense now than before. (Chandler and Monica look at her with slightly puzzled expressions).
MNCA: Looks? What looks? (she and Chandler look at each other, and then away, realizing that they do give each other looks) Oh.
DREA: Oh, and I bet you're keeping it a secret because you don't know how the others would react, especially Ross, who would probably kill Chandler if he found out that his best friend was sleeping with his baby sister. (Chandler and Monica look at her and then each other with "wow" expressions).
CHAN: (quickly) Oh she's good
MNCA: (quickly, overlapping) Very. How do you do that?
DREA: I'm special. (pause) Also, the lip reading kind of helps me translate expressions. I know what people are thinking before they say it.
MNCA: But listen, you can't tell anyone, the only other person who knows is Joey
DREA: Oh, that explains even more. (pause) Don't worry. Everyone at school tells me secrets because they've gotta tell someone and I'm the last person anyone would expect to gossip or use information against them. I've got blackmail on 75% of my class (she gives an evil slight smile).
CHAN: Okay...well, I better go check on the chick and the duck to...make sure they're not watching the Cooking Channel. I'll see you later (he kisses Monica and leaves).
(Drea just sits there and stares at Monica).
MNCA: What?
DREA: Dish.
MNCA: Huh?
DREA: Just because I'm anti-social doesn't mean I don't like some good gossip.
MNCA: Oh, so you want the details?
DREA: No, I want the T.V. Guide synopsis (pause as Monica looks weird at her). Just kidding, of course I want the details.
MNCA: Well, there isn't much to tell.
DREA: Your kissing begs to differ.
MNCA: Fine, what do you want to know?
DREA: Well first of all, how? Y'know I can tell you've been friends for a while, so what, did you just decide "Hey Chandler, let's have a friendly game of sex!"?
MNCA: Well, it happened in London, at Ross' Wedding.
DREA: Ross got married?
MNCA: Oh right, he didn't to invite you guys. He, uh...thinks your mom is evil.
DREA: Oh, she is (pause). So where's his wife.
MNCA: Well, he accidentally said Rachel's name in the vows and she got really jealous and they split up.
DREA: Interesting. I think I saw that on "Days of our Lives" once. Anyway, back to you.
MNCA: (looks at her strangely) Well, I was going through a hard time. My brother was getting married, and this guy thought I was Ross' mother, and Chandler was just really sweet and I don't even know what happened after that.
DREA: Well I can take a guess
MNCA: You know what I mean.
DREA: And Joey found out how?
MNCA: He figured it out.
DREA: Joey figured it out?
MNCA: (she nods) Big surprise.
DREA: So exactly how long have you guys been doing this.
MNCA: A couple months.
DREA: So were you planning on telling everyone before or after the wedding? (Monica looks at her with a surprised expression). Kidding (pause). So, is he...romantic?
RACH: (entering from her room) Is who romantic?
DREA: Monica's secret boyfriend
RACH: Oh the secret Waiter-Man?
DREA: Yeah. (Monica looks at her with a "how did you know?" expression, and Drea just raises her eyebrows once).
MNCA: (changing the subject) So Rach, got any plans for today?
RACH: Well, uh...nope.
MNCA: Well I was gonna take Drea down to SoHo to go vintage clothes shopping, wanna come?
RACH: Oh, no thanks. I can't stand the smell of vintage clothes. They smell like the duck after its thrown up (they both look at her oddly). What?

Fade To:
[Scene: Afternoon. Monica and Rachel's apartment. All the lights are off and Rachel is on the couch clutching a pillow and watching Scream (co-starring you-know-who). It's at the part where Courtney Cox is stepping in the cameraman's blood and there is creepy music playing.]
(Monica and Drea enter)

MNCA: Hey!
RACH: AAAAHHHH!!!!! (she is startled and jumps up) Geez Monica!! Don't scare me like that!! That's the last time I watch Scream by myself. (Drea takes a picture of Rachel) Stop that!!!
(Monica giggles)
DREA: Hey, there's the girl that looks like you, Monica.
MNCA: Like me? Really? I don't think so. Well, maybe a little.
RACH: Yeah, I guess a little, but look at the height, and the eyes are all wrong. (Drea just looks at them like they've lost their minds, and then sits on the couch).
MNCA: So where is everyone?
RACH: Well Phoebe thinks horror movies are bad for her Karma, and Joey got scared when that phone sounded like the one from PBS, so they went down to the coffee house with Ross, and Chandler's probably in his room watching Baywatch.
MNCA: (finding a reason to leave) (quickly) Well, I'm getting scared too so I'm gonna go, bye!
(She exits)
RACH: What's up with her? (her gaze drifts to Drea who is staring intently at the movie)
DREA: (referring to the movie) Yes!! Bitch deserved to crash! (notices Rachel staring at her) Movies get me excited.

Fade to:
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Apartment. Chandler is sitting in the brown recliner watching Baywatch when Monica enters]

MNCA: Hey!
CHAN: Hey Monica!! (happily)
MNCA: Have you been taking the duck's medication again?
CHAN: No! I've got my two best girls in the same room (looks at Yasmine Bleeth on the TV, and then at Monica)
MNCA: Well you know you're gonna have to choose between us.
(Chandler looks at her, then to the TV, then back to her)
Cut it out!! (she slaps him playfully on the chest and they start kissing).
(Drea enters and Chandler and Monica jump apart)
DREA: It's just me. You know, you two should really be more careful. I was almost Rachel. (They look at her, confused as she walks and opens the fridge) She was gonna come get a soda but I offered to do it knowing why Monica left the apartment in such a hurry (pause). But I'm leaving now (she walks to the door). Just one suggestion: don't have sex in a room where the door is unlocked. It's not fun to walk in on. (they look at her strangely as she starts to walk out the door).
MNCA: Uh, Drea?
DREA: Yeah?
MNCA: How much longer is the movie?
DREA: I'd say you've got a half hour
MNCA: Thanks (she starts kissing Chandler again)
(Before leaving Drea takes a picture of them. They look up, startled, but she is gone already and they go back to kissing)

Fade to:
[Scene: That night. Central Perk. Rachel, Chandler and Monica are on the couch, Ross is in the chair, Phoebe is on its arm and Joey is at the table]

MNCA: So what do you guys think of Drea? (There's a silence) Oh come on! She's not...that weird.
RACH: Monica, she's beyond weird. She's on her own planet! I mean, reading lips, singing to her cat...
PHOE: I used to sing to my cat. (there's a pause)
RACH: Anyway, are you sure she's related to you?
ROSS: I told you, her mother's e-vil.
MNCA: Which would explain our mother (everyone looks at her). What?
PHOE: Well I think she's cool. I'd like to see some of her song lyrics, I've never met anyone else who's written songs before. Ooh! Wouldn't it be funny if we wrote the same songs?
CHAN: No, that'd mean you were a psycho, Phoeebs.
MNCA: C'mon. She is not a psycho. She just...marches to the beat of a different drummer.
CHAN: Actually, I think she's got her own band of midgets from Albania (Monica gives him a dirty look).
PHOE: Hey, I've felt her aura and its good. It says "I am me, and I don't give a crap if anyone else thinks I'm a loony who needs to be locked up and put on anti-depressants".
(Everyone gives her weird looks). Well anyway, we're going to a yoga class tomorrow, so you guys will be free of the "psycho loony".
CHAN: (quietly to Rachel) Was she talking about her or Drea? (They both snicker)
RACH: What?!? Geez, everyone's giving me these really weird looks lately. Do I have a zit??

Fade To:
[Scene: The next day. Monica and Rachel's. Monica is cleaning the kitchen and Rachel is on the couch reading a magazine when Drea and Phoebe enter]

PHOE: Hey everyone! We had the best yoga class! Drea put her legs behind her head!
M&R: Really?/cool! etc..
DREA: Well I've done it before. Scares people off. (she gets weird looks and sits on the couch)
RACH: Well, anyway, guess what? We had a raffle at work today and guess who won a karaoke machine?
PHOE: Ooh! I know this!! Umm, Bob the janitor?
RACH: No! It's me!!
PHOE: Oh, well that was my second guess.
RACH: Ok...So what do you say we fire it up?
MNCA: Karaoke? I'll pass.
RACH: C'mon, Mon. It'll be fun. It's just us girls. Chandler's not here to make fun of you.
MNCA: Well, I can't sing.
RACH: That's the whole point! (she starts to set it up). You can go first. Now lets see, what shall Monica sing? We can start with something easy. Ooh! How about "Wannabe"?
MNCA: Spice Girls? Oh no...
RACH: Come on! It's just for fun!
MNCA: Ok, fine, but you owe me.
DREA: Here, Monica. Have some wine to clear your throat.
MNCA: (takes a glass of wine and drinks some) Thanks. Ok, here goes. (The intro music starts to play as Monica just stands there) (singing) So tell me what you want, what you really really want--
RACH: C'mon, Monica!! Get into it!! Be "Monica Spice". or better yet "Cleaning Spice!"
MNCA: (gives her a dirty look) Fine (joining in with the song, getting a little more into it) If you want my future, forget my past. If you wanna get with me, better make it fast.
RACH: Do I have to do everything (standing up and joining in with her, being very excited and spice girl-y) If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!! Make it last forever, friendship never ends!! (she is doing weird dance movements as Monica is looking at her)
MNCA: I think you can handle this by yourself. (she sits down)
DREA: Here, have some more wine.
TIME LAPSE- same place, dusk.
MNCA: (finishing a song, obviously slightly drunk) I will survive, hey hey!!
Woohoo!! This is fun!! (she throws her head around and gets dizzy)
RACH: So Monica's done Spice Girls and Gloria Gaynor, Phoebe's done, um, Jefferson Airplane and Peter, Paul and Mary, and I did Spice Girls, N'Sync, Cindy Lauper, and, god help me, Alanis Morrisette, and So now it's Drea's turn!
DREA: (sarcastically) Oh goodie....
RACH: (she and Monica are looking through the CD selections) Hmm...What about Tori Amos?
MNCA: No fun, she actually likes her.
RACH: Oh. Well that's against the rules. So how about--
MNCA: Ooh!! Hopelessly Devoted to You!! From Grease!!!
RACH: Yes!! Good choice!!
DREA: (sarcastically) Yea. Olivia Newton-John. My favorite.
RACH: (gives her the microphone and starts the music) Here's your chance to sing to someone besides your cat.
DREA: She won't be happy about that. (starts singing, un-enthusiastically, kinda like her speaking with some tune). Guess mine is not the first heart broken. My eyes are not the first to cry.
RACH: No, no!! You have to become Olivia!! Feel her!!
DREA: That's a scary thought.
MNCA: Come on!! Let loose!! It's a good thing!
DREA: Thank you Martha Stewart.
RACH: (to Monica) Is it me or did she just sound like Chandler there?
DREA: (loudly, belting diva-like, good-sounding, singing) But now, there's nowhere to hide! Since you've pushed my love aside! I'm out of my head! Hopelessly devoted to you! Oo-o-ooh! Hopelessly devoted to you!!
(The other look at her, and then each other with surprised expressions) (Drea, quickly sits down, and gives the microphone to Monica just as the guys enter)
JOEY: Are you guys watching Grease without us?
DREA: No, Monica was just doing some Karaoke (the girls look at her with a "how did you know to stop?" expression. Drea just raises eyebrows once)
ROSS: Monica, you can't sing.
MNCA: How do you know? I could be a very good singer.
ROSS: Yeah, that's why you were kicked out of the Glee Club in 9th grade. (Monica gives him her usual "ha ha, very funny" look)
ROSS: This is all very interesting, but if were gonna play poker we have to get the card table.
RACH: Oh, here I'll help you.
PHOE: Yeah, me too. (They leave)

(Chandler and Monica look at them exiting, and then each other and start to kiss. Joey and Drea pick up magazines and bury their faces in them at the same time)

(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe re-enter)

RACH: We left the table here last-- (everyone sees them kissing and they break apart)
R,P,R: Oh my god!/What? etc..
CHAN: Oh, no! It's not what you...uh, think.
MNCA: No, we--
DREA: Chandler and Joey wanted to see who was a better kisser and Monica was the guinea pig.
RACH: (Suspiciously) Oh, and, uh, who won?
DREA: Well Joey hasn't gone yet. (Monica and Chandler look at her like "what'd you do that for?)
PHOE: Ooh! I wanna see this!
RACH: So, go ahead Joe.
MNCA: Do we have to? I mean it was silly..
RACH: But you kissed Chandler, now you gotta kiss Joey!
MNCA: But, you guys weren't watching. There was less of a, um, spotlight.
JOEY: Monica, a bet's a bet. (Chandler gives him an angry look)
MNCA: Ok fine. (She leans toward him, they kiss for about 5 seconds, and then she pulls away. Chandler's face is red at this point, but the others can't see because he is facing the other way).
JOEY: Now that wasn't so bad, was it?
RACH: So who's a better kisser Mon?
MNCA: Well, um, I'd have to say Chandler.
CHAN: Yes! I am the King! You must bow to me. Chandler, King of the Smoochies!! (Everyone gives him "are you kidding?" looks, and Drea takes a picture of him) Will you stop that!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Drea and Monica are getting ready to leave for the airport, and the gang is there to say good-bye. Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are on the couch, Ross is helping Monica, and Drea and Chandler are standing near the door. There are pieces of luggage near them]

MNCA: (neurotically) Ok, we have 2 hours to get there, get checked in and get you on the plane. RACHEL!? Where's my jacket!?
DREA: (to Chandler) Is she always this neurotic about getting places?
CHAN: Uh-huh.
DREA: Good luck on your honeymoon. (sees Chandler's surprised face) Kidding.
DREA: (handing Monica an envelope) You need to look at these pictures first. YOU. [Note: they're the secret pictures she's taken of C&M kissing]
MNCA: (slightly confused, she puts the envelope on the kitchen counter) Ok..., anyway we're ready to go. (others get up to say good-bye)
ALL: Bye/ nice meeting you/ have a good flight etc...
PHOE: If you ever feel like making you songs known you can send them to Monica and I can sing them at Central Perk, with credit to you of course. I'm not THAT stupid, you could sue me. Ooh, maybe some big producer would be there, and he would hear your songs and make you a star!!
DREA: (sarcastically) Yay. I could be the next Spice Girl.
CHAN: Yes, Repressed Teenage Spice.
MNCA: Ok, great, we have to MOVE!!! There could be traffic!!! Come on!
ALL: Bye! etc.. (Monica and Drea exit)
CHAN: Ding dong, the psycho's gone! And this time I mean it! (Everyone starts doing mini victory dances. Drea re-enters, and when the others see her they stop)
DREA: Forgot my jacket. (She picks it up off the counter and turns to leave, but then turns around again) (to Chandler) And you really should get a new phrase. I've heard that one before. (She exits, and Chandler looks sheepish while Bright, Kauffman and Crane's names come on the screen).


[Scene: A little while later. Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe are hanging in M&R's. Joey on the couch reading, and the rest in the kitchen area]

ROSS: (sees an envelope and picks it up) Hey, what's this? (reading) "pictures for Monica to look at first" Hmm. Oh, they're probably just embarrassing from when you guys were doing karaoke. (The others get interested and look over Ross' shoulder as he takes the pictures out)
RACH: Oh, that's Monica kissing a guy! Ooh, that's her secret boyfriend (Joey picks his face up from the magazine with a worried look. He jumps up to try to take the picture from Ross)
JOEY: Oh, I don't think that's right, I mean, if Monica wanted us to know who it is she would have told us already, right? (Ross is trying to hide the picture from Joey. They run around the table and Joey trips on a chair and falls over)
(Rachel and Ross realize that it's Chandler in the picture, and become shocked, while Joey is making panicked faces in the background)
PHOE: Hey, Monica's secret waiter-man looks a lot like Chandler! Isn't that weird?
PHOE: (calmly) Oh. (Realizing, shocked) OH! Oh my god!!
RACH: Monica, and-and CHANDLER??? I can't believe this!!!
ROSS: I'm going to KILL Chandler!!!
JOEY: Oh, no that'd be a bad idea.
JOEY: Because I'd have to pay more rent! And Monica wouldn't have a boyfriend and then what would she do on Saturday nights? (Ross growls angrily)
PHOE: Wait, you knew?
JOEY: (proudly) I figured it out! I can't believe you guys didn't sooner! I mean, it was SO obvious. I mean, the way they always sit together on the couch, how they're always nice to each other, how they make eyes at each other.
ROSS: CHANDLER!?!? YOU'RE DEAD!!!!! (He runs towards the door, trips on the chair like Joey did, and then runs out again)
JOEY: Looks like someone is having a harder time accepting this than I did. Hmph.