The One With The Computer


Written by: Kat

Disclaimer: The characters and their stories belong to Bright, Kaufman, and Crane and NBC and Warner Brothers. I mean no infringement and make no profit.


(SCENE: Ross and Joey's. Emily, Ross and Joey are standing in the middle of the room, looking at a big box)

JOEY: So, what does it do again?

ROSS: It doesn't do anything. It's a computer. It's for my work. Not for you to mess about with.

JOEY: Oh. So I can't use it?

ROSS: No.

JOEY: Can Emily use it?

ROSS: Yes, she can use it.

JOEY: Then why can't I?

ROSS: Because you break things.

EMLY: One little go won't hurt, Ross. Anyway, we have to set it up first. And I really don't see any harm in Joey at least using the internet.

JOEY: Woah! The internet! Cool! Can I play with it?

ROSS: You won't be playing with anything yet. I haven't even opened the box.

JOEY: Well, why don't you?

ROSS: Because I'm waiting for Chandler to come over and help me with it. Then we can get started.

JOEY: What do you need Chandler for? I can help you.

ROSS: Yes, you can help me to break it.

JOEY: No! I'll be good, honest!

EMLY: Let him help, Ross. What harm can it do?

(Ross looks at Joey, who is trying to open the box. As he is trying to pull of some brown tape, he falls back and smashes over a lamp)

(Ross looks at Emily smugly)

EMLY: Point taken.

OPENING CREDITS

(SCENE: Central Perk. The whole place has been refurbished, but there are still chairs where the gang sit. As for the refurbishment, use your imagination, but it looks really nice, okay? Anyway, The whole gang are there, except Ross and Joey, and of course, Emily. Caitlin is in a pram next to Monica)

RACH: Wow, this place looks great, huh?


PHOE: Yeah! It looks really good. It's like a whole new coffee house.

MON: At least it's cleaner.

CHAN: Of all the things that have changed, you prefer the cleanliness?

MON: Yes. I do. It's more hygienic, especially with Caitlin and all.

RACH: Well, I can't get over it. It makes me think about working here again.

(Gunther overhears this comment, and walks over)

RACH: Although I never would.

(Gunther walks away, cursing)

(Ross and Emily enter)

RACH: Oh, great.

ROSS: Hey!

CHAN: Hey, how's the computer?

ROSS: It's fine. Except I can't get Joey off it.

CHAN: Are you kidding? Joey is using the computer?


ROSS: Uh huh.

CHAN: Is he on it right now?

ROSS: Yep. He's using the internet mostly. Right now, he's on "A Dedication To Yasmine Bleeth".

(Chandler's eyes go wide)

CHAN: I remember when I was on that site at least twice a day (looks at Monica), but I don't now because I hate Yasmine Bleeth. Ugh!

ROSS: Nice save.

CHAN: Thanks.

(Monica smiles)

PHOE: So, do you like the new furbishing?

EMLY: I think it looks great. (she looks at a sign) Oh, they need a waitress. Rachel, didn't you used to work here?

(Rachel ignores her)

PHOE: Yeah, she did. But, uh, Rachel has the Bulgarian flu. She can't talk. Or acknowledge anyone's existence. See, watch. (to Rachel) Hey!

RACH: Hey Phoebs!

PHOE(to Emily): It comes and goes.

ROSS: Anyway, we gotta go. Emily wants to talk to me in secret. Oooooh! (he laughs) Bye.

ALL: Bye.

EMLY: Bye guys.

ALL(except Rachel, who stubbornly ignores her): Bye.

(They leave)

MON: Wow. He is really happy, huh?

PHOE: I know. He's got, like, a skip in his eye, and a glint in his step, and…That's not right.

CHAN: I wonder what Emily wants.


RACH: Probably wanted to tell him the truth. (The others look confused) That she's a witch. What? I swear she is.

(SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Joey is in the other room, using the computer. Emily and Ross are talking)

EMLY: The thing is, I've been meaning to talk to you for awhile now.

ROSS(concerned): Well, what is it?

EMLY: As much as I love being here, I really miss home. And, well, my dad's not well.

ROSS: What's wrong with him?

EMLY: Well, it's not much, but he needs me there.

ROSS: I understand. So, you're gonna go home for a week or two.

EMLY: No. You see, I want you to come. And it's not for a week. It's for 5 months.

ROSS(surprised): What the hell's wrong with the guy?!

EMLY: To be honest, it isn't just my dad. I really miss home, Ross, and I always feel so left out when you're with the others-

ROSS: But you shouldn’t. They all like you. Well, except Rachel.

EMLY: Anyway, I thought we could try living in London for a while. Not permanently, because I understand you have Ben to think of and everything. I just want you to consider it.


ROSS: Huh.

EMLY: You do know that I love you?

ROSS: Of course.

EMLY: And you love me?

ROSS: Yes. Yes, I do. It's just a lot to take in.

EMLY: All I'm asking is that you think about it.

(QUICK SCENE CHANGE: Chandler & Monica's. Ross has just told Chandler about the last scene. Monica's not there)

ROSS: And now, she wants me to think about it. I don't know what to do!

CHAN: And you're asking me?

ROSS: Yeah. You're my best friend, and you always seem to know what to do.

CHAN(in total disbelief): Are you crazy? Has Emily sent you mad?! You're asking me, Chandler! I'm a goof off!

ROSS: Yeah, I know…


CHAN: Thanks a lot man.

ROSS: But now you're with Mon, and you got a baby, you're get married soon-

CHAN: Woah! If you go, you'll miss the wedding.

ROSS: So I shouldn't go.

CHAN: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying think about what you're giving up. There's Ben, and us lot, especially Monica. Think about what this will do to her. And your job. You can't just blow that off for 5 months-

ROSS: You want me to stay?

CHAN: It's not upto me. It's all you.

ROSS: Yeah, I know. I hate that.

CHAN: But, whatever you choose to do, you know I'll be totally behind your decision.

ROSS: That means a lot.

CHAN: Okay. (pause) Did we just have a heart to heart there?

ROSS: No! Not at all.


CHAN: Good. I felt a little girly there. You?

ROSS: No!

CHAN: Did I share too much?

ROSS: Just a little.

CHAN: I'm shutting up now.

ROSS: Good.

(SCENE: Chandler & Monica's. The whole gang are there, even Joey, although he doesn't look very glad to be there. Emily and Ross are standing up at the front, and Rachel looks bored)

JOEY: Do we have to stay long? I was talking to this girl called Winona in a chat room! She wanted us to exchange email addresses!

CHAN: Shut up.

JOEY: Sorry.

ROSS: Uh, anyway. There's som-


PHOE: Hey, you know what? The last time you guys were all in front of us was when you told us you were getting married! Are you getting married again? I mean, are you getting married again?

ROSS: Well, um, this is a little different. You see-

MON: Can you speed it up? I'm late for my shift at work.

JOEY: And Winona isn't gonna wait all day!

CHAN: Again, shut up.

ROSS: The thing is, well, I'm going to London.

(Chandler's eyes go wide as he is the only one who knows how long for)

PHOE: So? Didn't we just go?

ROSS: I'm going for a while, actually.

MON: How long?

ROSS: Uh, 6 months. Maybe longer.

(The gang gasp)

PHOE: 6 months? Are you kidding?

MON: But…Why? Why are you going to London? You're happy here, aren't you? You can't go!

ROSS: Well, I am. It's not that long, and I've already cleared it with my boss. I'm gonna work out there.

JOEY: What about Ben?

ROSS: Well, I'll call him and write to him. He won't even know I'm gone.

CHAN: But we will. Are you sure?

(Rachel gets up from her chair suddenly)

RACH: Excuse me.

(She walks out)

(There's a long silence)


JOEY: Winona's probably gone by now. (he frowns)

CHAN: Joey.

JOEY: Yeah?

PHOE: I think he wants you to shutup.

(SCENE: Rachel & Phoebe's. There's a light knock on the door, then Monica enters)

MON: Hey.

RACH: Oh. Hi.


MON: You okay?

RACH: Yeah. Yeah, I just didn't wanna be around them right now.

MON: It sucks, huh?

RACH: It's probably worse for you. You are his sister. I'm just emotional baggage.


MON: Rach! You aren't emotional baggage. Ross loves you. He's just confused. And he's gonna realise that. Maybe when he's in London, maybe before he goes. But all I know is that you two are soul mates, okay? Like me and Chandler. And Ross is so gonna realise that. Just give him time.

RACH(after a pause): You and Chandler are soul mates?

MON: Yeah. Well, I think so.

RACH: Ross is coming back, though, isn't he?

MON: Of course. Look, I gotta go to work, but I'll stop by later, and we'll have a junk food pigout and a movie marathon. Sound good?


RACH: Uh huh. See ya later, Mon.


MON: Bye.

(She leaves)

RACH: Her and Chandler are so not soul mates.

(SCENE: Central Perk, the next day. Monica is drinking coffee alone, when Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey.

MON: Hey.

ROSS: I've been looking for you.

MON: Yeah?

ROSS: I called mom last night.

MON: You did? What'd she say?

ROSS: She actually had a go at me. She said she couldn't believe what I doing. She said that I couldn't just run off to England when I've got so much here. She said "Why can't you be more like your sister?".


MON: Wow. She said that.

ROSS: Mm hm.

MON: She must've hit her head or something. (pause) Is that why you've been looking for me? To tell me mom is disappointed in you?

ROSS: I just thought I'd better tell you that I'm leaving in a week.

MON: A week?! That's no time! Why are you doing this?

ROSS: Emily wants to be with her dad. That means I go too.

MON: That leaves no time to plan the surprise party!

ROSS: What surprise party?

MON: Oops. Well, okay, the party. I can't believe you're going. I'm gonna miss ya, Bea.

ROSS: I'm gonna miss y- Shutup!

(END SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Joey is on the computer, drinking a glass of Coke. He is typing slowly, and he takes a sip of his drink every 5 taps of the keyboard. The 3rd time he does this, he takes a sip, but drops the glass on the computer. The computer screen turns blue and after a loud buzzing sound, it goes totally quiet)

JOEY: Ross? Are you there?

ROSS(from other room): What?

JOEY: Uh, something's wrong with your computer!

ROSS: What?

JOEY: Well, it doesn't react well with liquid, does it?

ROSS: What do you mean?

JOEY: Uh, well, somebody spilt Coke on it!

ROSS: Did you spill Coke on my computer? (he comes into the room, and sees the computer covered in Coke, and Joey with the empty glass in his hands)

JOEY: No. Not me.

END