A Script by Becci Wooster

July 1998

The One With The Kiss


Author’s note - Hi! This is one of my many fanfics, and I usually try to stay original. My first attempt, written in February 1997, foretold of sexual tensions between Monica and Chandler. My other attempts are under my initials BSW, which are part of my own series. This had never been done at the time. However, since that day in May when Ross made the biggest mistake of his life, after sleeping with Chloe, I have read every series five opener I can find. I’ve decided to try it myself. Please feel free to criticise my writing - it would actually help. But also think about a good point to put with it. E-mail me at

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Scene - Central Perk

Phoebe is on the sofa, much like Lisa Kudrow was when she was talking to Johnny Vaughn on that interview shown here in England. She’s surrounded by loads of people, including Gunther, and they’re all listening to the events over the telephone. Phoebe looks up and sees the camera, she proceeds to tell us what’s been happening….

PHBE - Hi! You’ll never guess what! Ross has just said Rachel’s name instead of Emily’s! It all started when the others went to the wedding in London. Rachel stayed behind because it hurt too much to see Ross get married. I had to stay because of these three. Anyway, Rachel realised that she loves Ross! D’oh! I can’t believe she didn’t know! She decided to go to London and stop the wedding. When she got there, she saw Ross kissing Emily and decided to do the right thing and let him be happy. So all was well…until Ross said ‘I take thee Rachel’!!!!!!!!! What happens next? I don’t know! It’s not like our lives are a sitcom or something, where you can pick up the Radio times or the TV guide and see what happens! Wait! Wait! I can hear something. Sssssshhhh!


Scene - The Church in London

The whole congregation are shocked, pretty much in the same places as they were when we last saw them.

VIC(ar) - Shall I go on?

RO(ss) - Emily?

EM(ily) - OK. We came here for a wedding…I guess we should have one.

VIC - OK. Ross, repeat after me… I Ross, take thee Emily…

RO - I Ross, take thee…..

VIC - Emily….

RO - Em…….. I can’t.

EM - What do you mean, you can’t???

RO - I mean I can’t do all of this. I can’t marry you. I don’t love you enough. It isn’t special enough.

EM - You can’t do this! You can’t walk out on me!

RO - I’m sorry. I have to.

Ross walks out of the church, without looking back. Emily starts to cry and runs to her father. After a pause, Monica stares at Chandler and Joey, who eventually run after Ross. The rest of the congregation start to rise, except Rachel who’s sat as still as a statue. Monica walks over to her.

MON(ica) - So… I guess it was a mistake. He didn’t love her.

RAC(hel) - I guess. No, Mon. It was my fault. I ruined his wedding day.

MON - No you didn’t.

RAC - Yes, I did. I am a bitch. I ruined the happiest day of my best friend’s life.

MON - He was the one to say the wrong name.

RAC - But he wouldn’t have if I hadn’t of been here.

MON - But we’ll never know that, will we?

RAC - I’m horrible. I don’t deserve friends like you guys. I’m going home.

Rachel walks out of the church with as much dignity as she can muster. A few seconds pass, then Chandler and Joey run back.

MON - So? Did you find him?

JO(ey) - We followed him right down the street. Then he caught a bus. We don’t know where he was going.

CHAN(dler) - Was that Rachel we saw going out?

MON - Yeah. She’s blaming herself for him saying her name. She says she’s gonna go home.

JO - So…I guess the reception’s gonna be a washout, eh?

Monica and Chandler stare at him.

Scene - Outside the Natural History Museum

Ross is sat on the steps, deep in thought. Suddenly, a shadow is cast over him. He looks up and sees a familiar face.

RAC - Hey. I figured you’d be here.

RO - You know me. Maybe better than I know myself.

RAC - I doubt it. Why you use gel will always be a mystery to me.

RO - <smiles> Why’d I do it? I honestly thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted the relationship to last for more than 48 hours a week. Why’d I mess up my lines?

RAC - I don’t know, Ross. I shouldn’t have come here.

RO - Why did you?

RAC - Honestly? I wanted to stop the wedding.

RO - Why didn’t you?

RAC - Because I saw how happy you were. You never seemed that happy when you were with me.

RO - That’s not true. What we had was better than me and Carol…and I actually went through with that wedding!

RAC - I’m going home. Phoebe might need me.

RO - I need you, Rachel.

RAC - No you don’t. You’re just trying to persuade yourself that you made the right decision.

RO - you want to know why I said your name?

RAC - No. That won’t help either of us.

RO - Because every day I think about what our wedding will be like. I memorised the vows I’d take with you. I even knew what flowers we’d have.

RAC - Stop Ross. Stop digging it over. What we had is gone. There’s no spark left. I blew it out.

RO - I love you, Rachel.

Rachel goes to open her mouth to speak, but Ross puts his fingers over her lips. He looks into her eyes and she looks back. He leans in to kiss her, but she turns her face away.

RAC - No, Ross.

RO - Please…let’s give us another chance. You love me. I love you. We can make it work.

RAC - I’ve wanted you to say that for so long.

RO - So say yes then!

RAC - Yes.

Ross leans in to kiss her, but she turns away again.

RO - You know, it’s gonna be really hard for us to be together if you keep doing that!

RAC - No kissing. No touching. I’m going back to New York. Tonight. You can catch the scheduled flight with the guys.

RO - But we’re together, right?

RAC - Yes. But we’re gonna take it slow. Don’t tell the guys we’re together. We need to trust each other again. OK?

RO - Sure.


Scene - Plane over the Atlantic

The guys are sat in the plane, bored. Joey tries to open a packet of peanuts and succeeds in spilling them all over his seat and Chandler’s. Chandler and Monica haven’t spoken since they walked up the aisle. Ross is staring out of the window.

MON - Ross? Are you there?

RO - Uh-huh.

MON - Will you answer me then?

RO - Go ahead.

MON - Did Rachel come to see you yesterday after the…..

JO - After the wedding?

MON - I was trying to avoid that word.

RO - I don’t mind. I’m not upset. Emily is though. She phoned me this morning. We agreed to return all the presents.

CHAN - Yes!!! That means I’ve got a meal for two at that posh restaurant!!!

MON - Who will you take?

CHAN - Ummm……

JO - He’ll take me of course! I’m his best bud!

CHAN - I’ll give them to a charity.

RO - That’s nice of you. What’s happened?

CHAN - Well, nothing?

RO - Come on, man. I know you too well.

CHAN - Nothing, OK? Joey hooked up with one of Emily’s bridesmaids!

MON - You did what? Gross!

JO - Hey! I was the best man. it’s my duty to bed a bridesmaid. I guessed that you were out, so that only left her.

RO - Well, he’s not all that bad! He could have done his duty with you1

MON - <fake laugh> Yeah, I suppose. The thought of me with either of your best men!

Ross and Joey laugh. Chandler and Monica look uncomfortable.

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

Phoebe is sat on the couch in the same clothes as she was last time we saw her. Rachel enters the room, goes to her room and comes out without her bags.

PHBE - What happened? What happened? Joey’s mobile went flat! What happened after the man asked if he should carry on???

RAC - It was awful. I don’t want to talk about it.

PHBE - Come on. You’ve got to.

RAC - OK. Emily said to carry on.

PHBE- Oh my God! You’re right, that was horrible. I’m so sorry Rachel.

RAC- Then Ross said he couldn’t carry on. He said it wasn’t special enough.

PHBE - Oh my God! You must have felt really awkward!

RAC - Then he stormed out of the church.

PHBE - So they didn’t get married?

RAC - No.

PHBE - Then why was it horrible?

RAC - Because it was all my fault. If I hadn’t have been there, he would have said her name and he would be in the Caribbean right now. Instead, I found him outside the Natural History Museum in London.

PHBE - So…?

RAC - So what?

PHBE - What did you do?

RAC - We talked.

PHBE - And…?

RAC - And I’m really tired. I’m sorry, Pheebs, but I gotta go to bed. I’ve got work in the morning.

PHBE - But it’s nine thirty a.m.!

RAC - Then I’m late. I’ll have to go in tomorrow.

Switch to several hours later, about eight p.m.

Ross, Monica, Chandler and Joey are sat in their seats around Phoebe. Rachel enters from her room. Except for Ross and Phoebe, the others are silent and watch her as she goes toward the kitchen.

RO - Monica? You were saying…..?

MON - What?

RO - You were just saying something!

MON - Was I?

RO - Yes. Then when Rach walked in, you went silent….oh, I get it.

CHAN - Get what?

JO - Elephants into….wait, that’s a joke answer.

RO - You’re all waiting to see what Rachel and I say to each other this morning.

RAC - Really, you guys. We’re fine.

MON - You’re sure? Isn’t it kinda odd though?

RAC - Why would it be odd?

CHAN - Well, you know…he was going to England to get married, then you rushed there to stop him… I probably wasn’t meant to say that, was I?

RO - Don’t worry, guys. We’ve talked about it. It’s fine.

MON - So you’re back together?

RAC/RO - No!

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

Chandler is sat at the bar in the kitchen, watching Joey, amused. Joey is walking around the apartment, touching everything.

JO - And the chair…How could I forget the chair?

CHAN - I’m sure it’s very hurt that you didn’t send it a postcard!

JO - That’s what you think!

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a screwed up postcard. He attempts to un-crease it, and then places it lovingly on the chair. He stands back, content.

CHAN - OK. That’s it. I think we need to take you back to Dr. Snarfwitz, don’t you?

JO - Not him! He asks too many questions!

Scene - Rachel’s bedroom.

It’s morning. Rachel is sat on her bed, talking on the phone.

RAC - …yes….I love you more…..yes I do….no….Don’t you dare!….I’m sorry too, honey…OK…

Monica bursts in through the door, triumphant. Rachel jumps.

MON - Ha! I knew it!

RAC - <on phone> Honey, I’ve gotta go now…bye!<hangs up phone> Monica! You gave me a heart attack!

MON - That was Ross, wasn’t it? I knew you two were back together!

RAC - That was not Ross.

MON - Then who was it?

RAC - <searching>Daddy?

MON - <imitates Rachel>I love you more…..I’m sorry, honey…..I love you!

RAC - Well, we’re affectionate towards one another!

MON - Not like that, you’re not! Admit it! You love Ross. You’re with Ross!

RAC - That was not Ross I was speaking to!

MON - OK then. You won’t mind me pressing redial!<grabs phone and presses a button> Hello?…

RAC - Don’t Monica!

MON - Hi, Ross. I was just ringing to ask….is that my oven timer going off? I’d better go! Bye!<hangs up phone>

RAC - OK….so maybe we are….

MON - I knew it! That’s 5 bucks Joey owes me!

RAC - Wait a minute, you took bets that we’d be back together.

MON - Yeah. Come on, it’s you two. We know you’ll end up getting married one day. So why didn’t Ross stay the night?

RAC - We haven’t even kissed yet.

MON - Why not?

RAC - We need to trust each other first.

MON - OK. Sorry. < she giggles>

RAC - What???

MON - Now that I’ve found out your secret, here’s one for you. I’ve slept with Chandler!

RAC - You what???

<Monica runs out of the room, Rachel chases after her>



Scene - Ross’ Apartment

Ross and Rachel are sat at opposite ends of the couch, staring at one another.

Ross - I love you Rachel.

Rachel - Thankyou.

Ross - I mean it.

Rachel - I love you too.

Ross - Are you sure we can’t at least Hug?

Rachel - I’m sure.

Ross - Please!!!

Rachel - Well, maybe. First tell me one thing.

Ross - Anything.

Rachel - Tell me the truth…..did you used to fix games of spin the bottle so it would always land on me?

Ross - All the time!

Rachel kind of clambers over to his side of the couch and kisses him on the lips.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Happy ending! Did you like it? Please tell me. It does matter to me and I’ll reply to every message I get. If you’d like to be added to my mailing list about the show ands my Fanfic scripts, send your e-mail address to Thankyou.