Friends
A Script by BSW
The One When It’s February 14th
Scene - Central Perk
(All the gang)
Joey - But what about us?
Rachel - Oh, come on, you lot have it so much easier.
Chandler - Nu-huh. If we buy chocolates, she’s on a diet.
Ross - Flowers and she gets hayfever.
Rachel - Not always, and besides, we buy men underwear and we want to sleep with them.
Joey - Works both ways!
Monica - How many times have you brought underwear for a woman, and you haven’t wanted to sleep with her?
Joey - Ummm…
Monica - Point proven.
Phoebe - It has to be the hardest holiday to buy for. Oh! Except for Yungiff. But that’s only my pagan friends.
Ross - However, the worst part about Valentines Day is that there’s always a big competition about who got the most cards.
Rachel - I used to like that in High School. One year, I got17.
Ross - Yeah, well, 11 were from me.
Rachel - Ah. Poor you.
Monica - Well, the only ones I ever got in high school were from Dad and one year I got one from Freddie Macowitz.
Rachel - Freddie…Macowitz….wasn’t he a canteen worker?
Monica - Yu-huh.
<Rachel tuts, and then hugs Monica>
Chandler - You worry when you go to an all boys school, and one year you get 56 cards!
<The gang laugh>
Chandler - No. Seriously. And 28 were from teachers!
Credits
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Chandler, Ross and Rachel)
Rachel - Did you really get 28 from teachers?
Chandler - Yes. That was the year that I graduated.
Ross - Woah. So, like, the guys from college were almost right!
Chandler - What do you mean?
Ross - There was a bet that it was ‘cause you went to an all guys school that you looked gay.
Chandler - Are we still on that? It’s been like 2 years since that last happened to me!!
Rachel - OK. OK. So…..
Ross - Ummm…so what are you two doing tomorrow?
Chandler - Well, I have a date. With Joey. Tomorrow’s the day that we agreed to spend alphabetizing our video collection. Of course, it’ll probably just be me doing that. He probably has so many dates lined up that he has to start at 1am!
Ross - And you, Rach?
Rachel - Well, I’m going into work to see the manager of buying. After that…I thought I might rent a movie and buy some ice-cream!
Chandler - Full or non?
Ross - What?
Rachel - Full.
Chandler - Woah.
Ross - What? What are you two going on about?
Rachel - It doesn’t matter. You’ll learn in time.
Ross - So that’s all you two are doing, hey? All three of us are going to be alone on the loneliest night of the year.
Chandler - Yeah.
Rachel - Hey!!! I know, why don’t you two come here. We can watch some movies together.
Ross - Sure. That sounds good. <looks at his watch> Hey, I’d better go. Bye, guys.
Chandler/ Rachel - Bye Ross/See you later
<Exit Ross>
Rachel - I’ve wanted to get you alone for three days!
Chandler - Well, if you must, can we at least use your bedroom? It feels kinda cheapened doing it here on the couch.
Rachel - Yuck! No! I wanted to talk to you about Monica.
Chandler - Oh. That.
Rachel - Yes. You need to be nicer to her. She doesn’t want to make the same mistake Ross and I made. Be her friend. Be nice to her. <pause>This goes no further, but if you are nice to her, she might just cave.
Chandler - Really?
Rachel - Maybe. But if she doesn’t, maybe it’s time you moved on. Got yourself a girlfriend.
Chandler - Maybe you’re right.
Rachel - Take it as someone that’s been there, done that.
Chandler - Thanks, Rach. <they hug>
Scene - Central Perk
(Chandler and Monica)
Chandler - So, I’m really sorry. It just got to me, you know? I’m over it now, really.
Monica - Good. Now we can go back to how it was.
Chandler - Yeah.
<Enter Ross>
Ross - Hey! There you are!!! I’ve looked for you two everywhere!
Chandler - Obviously not everywhere!
Ross - Anyway…Mon, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Monica - I’m going to Venice with Pete.
Chandler - <in a mocking voice>Oh no, not Venice again! That is soooo last year!
Ross - So you’ll be out of the apartment?
Monica - Possibly.
Ross - OK, I’ve got a huge favor to ask, Chandler.
Chandler - Go on.
Ross - OK. I will pay for you to go out to dinner with any woman you can find to go out with tomorrow night if you go out tomorrow night.
Chandler - But what about our plans with Rachel?
Ross - I will give you two hundred dollars if you don’t stay in with Rach and me tomorrow night.
Chandler - <realizing>OH!!!
Ross - Yeah.
Monica - So you’re gonna trick her into spending the evening alone with you on Valentines Day?
Ross - Yeah.
Monica - So what will you give me if I don’t tell her?
Ross - Respect?
Monica - How about a new outfit for my date tomorrow?
Ross - OK. Just don’t let her know. I’ll tell her that you went to visit an ex-girlfriend instead.
Chandler - Which one?
Ross - Why does it matter?
Chandler - Just as long as you don’t say Joanna!
Ross - OK. Anyone but Joanna. OK?
Monica - Yup.
Chandler - Yes, sir!
<Enter Phoebe>
Monica - Hey, Pheebs! What are you doing tomorrow night?
Phoebe - Well, I’ve got two dates lined up, and I can’t choose which one.
Monica - Well, which one’s nicer?
Phoebe - They’re both as nice.
Monica - Which one’s the better looking?
Phoebe - They’re both the same. They’re identical twins.
Monica - Well, does one have all four limbs?
Phoebe - OK. So I’m going out with Billy tomorrow!
Commercial Break
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
{The next morning}
(All the gang are eating breakfast and are showing off their cards)
Joey - OK, so I got seven. Can any of you lot beat that?
Monica - Nope. I got one from Pete and two mystery ones. Although I think I know who sent one of them.
Ross - Who?
Monica - It doesn’t matter. I’m probably wrong, anyway. How many did you get, Phoebe?
Phoebe - Four. One from each of the twins, one from Frank Junior, and one mystery one!
Chandler - I got two. One from this girl I’m going out with tonight, and one from my mail man!
Rachel - Wait a minute! You got a date? What about our plans?
Chandler - I’m sorry. She practically begged me to go out with her.
Rachel - OK, I understand.
Ross - Anyway, I got a card from Mom and one from someone who works at the museum.
Joey - Cool. So I beat you all. Again.
Monica - Hang on, we don’t know how many Rach got, do we?
Rachel - You don’t want to know.
Monica - Yes we do!
Phoebe - Go on, tell us!
Rachel - No!
Ross - Go on! Why are you so shy?
Rachel - OK. I got eleven.
Monica - Oh my God!
Joey - Damn!!!
Rachel - Don’t worry though, ‘cause they don’t all count. I’ve got one here in Ross’ handwriting. I thought it was Ben’s at first, but….<Ross looks embarrassed>
Chandler - So who sent the others?
Rachel - That’s just it. I don’t know. There’s four in the same handwriting, and then the others are all different.<buzzer goes, Monica opens the door>
<Enter Mr. Caretaker guy with the biggest bouquet of flowers ever!>
Guy - Are you Rachel Green?
Monica - You now I’m not. She’s over there.
<Guy walks over to Rachel>
Guy - These came for you.
Rachel - <taking flowers>Oh my gosh!
<Guy leaves>
Phoebe - Who sent them? Who sent them?
<Rachel reads the card, then puts it in her pocket>
Rachel - It doesn’t matter. I’d better get to work. Mon, could you put these in some water? Bye, guys.
<Exit Rachel>
Ross - Well, didn’t she seem pleased!
Monica - Did you send her those, Ross?
Ross - Maybe. Is that the time? I’d better go. Bye!
<Exit Ross>
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
{That Evening}
(Chandler and Joey)
Joey - Don’t be back too late. And when you come back, make sure you don’t wake the neighbours.
Chandler - It’s just a date.
Joey - Exactly. A date. All you do is walk her home and kiss her cheek, then you come straight back here. I don’t want you coming home tomorrow morning and I don’t want you bringing her back here.
Chandler - I’m an adult, Jo. I can do what I want.
Joey - You’ll always be my baby.
Chandler - You don’t own me. You’re not my mother.
Joey - <looks shocked>That is the single most hurtful thing that you’ve ever said to me!
Chandler - What’s going on here?
Joey - I don’t know.
Chandler - We’re acting like we’re married.
Joey - I don’t know what we’re doing. You say stuff, so I have to say stuff.
Chandler - Let’s never do it again, OK?
Joey - Sure. <in a deep voice>I mean, sure.
Chandler - Good. I’d better go. Wish me luck.
Joey - <deep voice> Good luck, pal.
Chandler - OK. You’ve gotta stop that voice, too.
Joey - <deep voice>OK.
<Exit Chandler>
Scene - Pete’s House
Monica - Wow. That was great.
Pete - I know. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Monica - Who wouldn’t?
Pete - Well, I’m not completely sure about you at the moment.
Monica - Why?
Pete - Well, you’re not being your usual self still.
Monica - Pete, there’s something I want to tell you.
Pete - Oh-oh. Here it comes!
Monica - It might just be the wine talking, but I doubt it.
Pete - What is it?
Monica - Pete, I love you.<she kisses him>
Scene - Restaurant
(Phoebe and her date, Billy)
Phoebe - So, I told them to stop a second…then maybe they’d get listened to.
Billy - You’re so wonderful, Phoebe.
Phoebe - <giggles>Thanks.
Billy - I mean it. You’re beautiful, smart, funny. Phil is gonna be soooo jealous!
Phoebe - I felt really guilty about dumping him for tonight.
Billy - But you’re having a good time, right?
Phoebe - Of course. You’re really great too.
Billy - So I guess that now’s the time to ask if you’d like to maybe go on another date with me sometime?
Phoebe - Sure. That’s be great.
Billy - Phew. What a relief. Here’s toast. To us.<They clink glasses>
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Ross)
<Enter Rachel>
Ross - There you are! I’ve been waiting for hours. Where did you go?
Rachel - I’ve been walking.
Ross - Well, I got out Casablanca and Sleepless in Seattle.
Rachel - Look, I’m really sorry, but I’ve just had the worst day of my life. I’m not really in the mood to watch movies.
Ross - What happened?
Rachel - You don’t want to know.
Ross - Come on…you can tell me. We’re still friends.
Rachel - <pouring herself a glass of water, then walking over towards her bedroom>Well, first, today I told my parents about the baby today.
Ross - How did they take it?
Rachel - My father wants you hung drawn and quartered. My Mom just told me how disappointed she was.<Rachel starts crying>
Ross - I’m sorry.
<Rachel is crying so hard that she drops her glass of water on the floor. It smashes instantly>
Rachel - <bends down to pick some of the pieces up> I can’t do anything right. I’m useless. I’ve screwed everything up.
Ross - Don’t say that, Rach. <He also bends down>
Rachel - it’s true. I was a complete cow to you. Now I’ve screwed up the baby. It’ll be brought up without a proper father because of decisions I’ve made and now I’m stuck in a job I hate.
Ross - I thought you liked it.
Rachel - Well, what do you expect me to say to you all? My life’s falling apart. Why didn’t I just marry Barry?
Ross - Don’t say that.
<Rachel looks up at him and stares into his eyes>
Rachel - Ross…
Ross - Ssssshhhhh. <He lifts her head and they kiss deeply>
Credits
Teaser
Scene - Restaurant
(Chandler and Amy, his date)
Amy - <laughing> You’re so funny, Chandler.
Chandler - Really? You find me funny? Most women hate my sense of humor!
Amy - Well, I’m not all women.
Chandler - Please tell me that that was plural.
Amy - Of course it was. I’m completely female.
Chandler - Good, ‘cause you had me panicking there.
Amy - There’s no need to worry, Chandler. Do you feel like getting a coffee?
Chandler - Sure. I know this great little place in the village.
Amy - I was thinking more of my place. Maybe a bit of a tête-à-tête!
Chandler - Sure, but I’d prefer a cappuccino!<Amy leans over and kisses him gently>Waiter! Can we have the bill, please?
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