Friends
A Script by BSW
The One Where D-H-T is Famous
Scene - Central Perk
(Phoebe, Monica and Rachel)
Phoebe - Well, how’s the baby?
Rachel - Fine, thanks. I made an appointment today for the scan.
Monica - When is it?
Rachel - Just over a month away. I can’t wait.
Phoebe - So, who are you gonna take with you?
Rachel - I didn’t think about that!
Monica - Well, the choice is obvious - me!
Rachel - But what about Ross?
Monica - He’ll get over it. Come on, the way things are going, I’ll never have one of my own!
Rachel - Tell you what. If Ross and I haven’t sorted ourselves out by then, you two can come with me.
Phoebe - Yippee! Op! Op!
Monica - What?
Phoebe - We’ve gotta watch TV soon.
Rachel - Why?
Phoebe - ‘Cause.
Monica - ‘Cause what?
Phoebe - You’ll find out when you see it. We’ve gotta go upstairs. It’ll be on in five minutes!
Monica - OK, honey. Just let me finish my coffee!
Phoebe - No. Now. Upstairs. Move your butts!
Rachel - OK! OK! We’re going!
Monica - A word for you, Phoebe. Decaff!
Credits
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Ross)
Monica - Why couldn’t I have finished off my coffee?
Chandler - You were let off easy. She burst in to the shower whilst I was in there.
Ross - And I got paged sixteen times at work today.
Phoebe - Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!
Rachel - You dragged us all here to show us a show?
Phoebe - Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!
Presenter - Now, we’re gonna chat to the newest movie star. She’s gonna appear in the new Kevin Costner movie and starts filming in a week. Yet she still manages to look after her big family of children. Ladies and Gentlemen, give a huge welcome to Dreamy!
Chandler - Is that a guinea-pig?
Joey - No, it looks like an emu.
Monica - Well done. That was quick and funny!
Joey - What? It looks like an emu!
Rachel - Wait a minute! Is that?
Phoebe - Uh-huh!
Ross - What?
Rachel - That’s Dream-Hope-Tigerlilly!
Monica - Wow.
Phoebe - I know!
Monica - She’s gonna be in the Costner movie?
Joey - Could she get me a part?
Chandler - Jo? She’s a guinea-pig!
Joey - So? Like guinea-pigs don’t have connections!
{Cut to later}
(Monica and Rachel)
Rachel - Monica, are you OK? The guys left their cups on the side and you still haven’t cleared them away.
Monica - Rachel, can we talk about something? You’ve got to promise you won’t tell anyone.
Rachel - Sure, honey.
Monica - OK…..Chandler and I kinda……..kissed a couple of weeks ago.
Rachel - Oh my God!
Monica - I know, it’s so…..weird!
Rachel - Not really….are you two gonna…..?
Monica - I don’t know. He wants us to, but I’m not so sure.
Rachel - What are you worrying about? Chandler’s a great guy.
Monica - I know that. He’s been my friend for so long…..it’s just that….I’m worried that….
Rachel - …That you’ll end up like me and your brother.
Monica - I’m sorry.
Rachel - That’s OK. It’s what you think.
Monica - Exactly. We’ll finish it eventually and I can’t see how we can still be friends.
Rachel - I can tell you that it changes everything. During the relationship, it’s great. Then when it finishes, you hate each other. You never go back to being friends. It’s like Ross now. He has feelings for me still. I just want a friendship.
Monica - I know. And then there’s Pete. He’s a wonderful guy and everything I could wish for. Even my Mother likes him!
Rachel - And yet there’s still the other choice……and you’re stuck.
Monica - Exactly.
Rachel - Well…it’s your decision, but you’ve already kissed. It’s already changed things with him.
Monica - I know.
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Joey, Ross and Chandler)
Joey - Why are you two so bummed?
Ross - Women.
Chandler - Women.
Joey - I don’t have any problem with them.
Ross - Yeah, but you’re not hopelessly in love with one who won’t make up her mind.
Chandler - It’s so frustrating, isn’t it?
Ross - Yes. She disrupts my life, then carries on like nothing’s happened.
Chandler - Whilst you’re left waiting. You make up your mind and she leaves you waiting.
Ross - God, Chandler. You actually sound like you know what I mean.
Chandler - That’s ‘cause I do.
Joey - I don’t. What’s it like?
Ross - Hell. But, at the same time, you know that if she comes round, it’ll be so good.
Chandler - Yeah, and you know that the first kiss will be so much better.
Joey - I wanna be screwed by a woman!
Chandler - I didn’t think that that was a problem for you!
Joey - Exactly. I want one relationship to go wrong.
Chandler - No, you don’t.
Joey - Sure I do. Op! Op! It’s time for Baywatch!
Ross - You two go ahead, I’m gonna go home and sit listening to love songs.
Chandler - Yeah. I’m gonna do that too. Bye man.
Chandler - OK, radio. Make my day!
"I had a picture of you in my mind, never knew it could be so wrong. Why’d it take me so long just to find the friend that was there all along?"
Commercial Break
Scene - Central Perk
(Chandler, Rachel and Joey)
Chandler - Anyway, he really wants to talk to you, Rach.
Rachel - I know. I will. I need to sort this mess out before the scan.
Joey - Hey, Mon.
Monica - Hey. Chandler? We need to talk.
Rachel -
Joey - But you don’t work here anymore.
Rachel - I know, but there’s a secret I want to tell you.
Joey - OK!
Monica - Chandler…..
Chandler - You’ve made up your mind, haven’t you?
Monica - Yes….
Chandler - And?
Monica - You’re not gonna like it.
Chandler - Oh.
Monica - It’s not that I don’t have feelings for you. Don’t ever think that. And I’m not ruling out the chance of us getting together in the future. It’s just that right now, I want to be with Pete. Do you understand?
Chandler - Yeah, sure. All my life, women have dumped me for better men. Why should you be any different?
Monica - Chandler……….
Rachel - How did that go?
Monica - He’s angry.
Rachel - So you chose Pete?
Monica - Yeah.
Rachel - I think you made the right decision.
Joey - Enough about her! What was the secret?
Rachel - There was no secret, I just wanted to get you out of the way.
Joey - Come on, you can’t be like that!
Rachel - Oh, OK…………..
Joey - Oh my God! What a weenie!
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Ross, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe are watching TV)
Joey - How are you, Murgatroid?
Ross - What?
Joey - Are you going deaf, Murgatroid?
Ross - Oh my God! Who told you? Only Mon and Rach know.
Rachel - It was me.
Ross - You promised you’d never tell.
Phoebe - I had a friend called Murgatroid once. He had one arm and one leg. But the strange thing was, he only spoke on Tuesdays.
Rachel - OK.
Ross - I told you in confidence.
Rachel - I can’t actually remember it.
Ross - Come on, you can. We were in my bedroom one night and I asked you if you could be any dinosaur you wanted, which would you be…
Joey - Weenie!
Ross - Then, you asked me what my most embarrassing thing is.
Rachel - Oh yeah.
Ross - Then, when I told you, you didn’t laugh at me.
Rachel - I know. It didn’t seem funny.
Ross - I seem to remember other things being funny though!
Rachel - Oh well, that’s over now.
Ross - But that’s the reason that we’re gonna be parents in a few months.
Phoebe - Oh! That reminds me. Dream-Hope-Tigerlilly has been offered a part in a soap opera filmed in England!
Joey - Wow. That’s really great, Pheebs!
Ross - But won’t that mean she has to leave you?
Phoebe - Yeah. I guess.
Ross - So you’ll have to give her up? Won’t you miss her?
Phoebe - Yeah. I will. I’m gonna go now.
Rachel - Ross Murgatroid Geller, you are a mean man!
Ross - What did I do?
Rachel - You’ve just made one of your friends cry. She’s really upset. I hope you’re happy.
Ross - I didn’t mean to upset her!
Rachel - But you did. That’s the main reason we split up. You hurt people you love without realizing!
Ross - What did I do?
Joey - She’s right, Murgatroid. You are mean!
Ross - I didn’t mean it.
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Chandler)
Monica - Chandler. Please. We need to talk.
Chandler - No, we don’t. You told me everything I needed to know. You’re too afraid to go for it.
Monica - No! that’s not true. It’s just that, at the moment, I love Pete more than I love you.
Chandler - You hardly see him, Mon.
Monica - I know, but that’s because…..
Chandler - Because you’ve been confused over me.
Monica - I guess.
Chandler - Let me make it simple for you.
Monica - No.
Chandler - I’m gonna hide all my feelings for you from now on. I won’t look at you the way I used to or think about that kiss in the middle of the night. I’ll even stop calling you when you’re out just so I can hear your voice on the answer machine. You can be free to be with Pete. Just as long as you’re happy.
Monica - Are you sure?
Chandler - Yes.
Monica - I love you Chandler.
Chandler - They’ve all gone. You’ll be safe. No-one knows about us now.
Monica - Apart from Rachel. I told her.
Chandler - Well, she won’t tell anyone. All you have to do to forget this whole thing is to make sure you don’t think of me when you’re kissing Pete. Bye.
Scene - Ross’ Apartment
(Ross and Rachel)
Rachel - I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean it. It’s just all these hormones.
Ross - You did mean it. I was cruel to one of the people I love the most. I also hurt you.
Rachel - Well, we’re friends again, OK?
Ross - Of course.
Rachel - Then will you come with me to have the scan done?
Ross - Of course I will. That’s part of me in there. I’m gonna help you as much as I can.
Rachel - Well, I have to do most of the work there, I’m afraid.
Ross - I know. I’ve been there, done it before, remember?
Rachel - Well, just as well you have. ‘Cause I’m scared.
Ross - Don’t worry. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
Rachel - Yes?
Ross - I’ve decided to move.
Rachel - Why?
Ross - Well, there’s enough room here for me and Ben or for you and me, but when the baby comes, we’re gonna need more space.
Rachel - But the baby’s gonna live with me.
Ross - I know, but you can both spend time here. Stay overnight. I want to be involved.
Rachel - I don’t know what to say.
Ross - You don’t have to say anything.
Rachel - Ummm……..
Ross - I love you, Rachel. I always have and I always will. This baby might just be the thing that pushes us together forever.
Rachel - Yeah, maybe.
Credits
Teaser
Scene - Restaurant
(Pete and Monica)
Pete - You look wonderful. Again.
Monica - thanks.
Pete - You always do to me.
Monica - Even when I first wake up and I have drool dried onto my face?
Pete -
Monica - You’re not so bad yourself.
Pete - Come here.
Pete - Monica? Are you OK?
Monica - No. I need to go home now.
Pete - Of course. I’ll call the chauffeur.
Monica - Oh my God!
The End
Comments? Questions? Opinions?
Write to me at Rachel4Ross@btinternet.com
in two episodes time - TOW It’s February 14th .
Ross and Rachel kiss! Chandler and Joey get domestic! Monica tells Pete what she feels! Catch it here, on the only website to display my alternate season 4! The CFSI.