Friends
A Script by BSW
The One Where Mon Is Mom
Scene - Girl’s Apartment
(All of the gang)
(Monica is carrying a small bag and Ross is carrying a large suitcase.)
Monica - Relax guys! I’m only going for a week.
Phoebe - But we’ll miss you!
Monica - Tough! Good luck with Franco, though! Tell me how it went.
Rachel - You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t leave. Go on!
Monica - OK! Bye Rachel, Bye Phoebe, Bye Chandler, Bye Joey!
Chandler - Don’t go! Who’ll feed us?
Monica - I’m sure you’ll survive on takeaways for a week!
Ross - I’ll be right with you!
Rachel - Fine! Now go!
Joey - Rachel, what’s for lunch?
Rachel - Joey!!! I’m not your Mom! Find something at your own place!
Phoebe - You’re in a skugging place right now. I’m going home.
Rachel - Great!!! I’ve got the place to myself!
Credits
Scene - Ross’ Apartment
(Ross and Rachel)
Ross - When does your sister arrive?
Rachel - There’s another three hours.
Ross - Good. We’ve got some time to ourselves then.
Rachel - Mmmmm. Honey, what did you wanna talk about?
Ross - I was just thinking, do you love me?
Rachel - Of course I do! I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.
Ross - I mean do you love me like you did before? Before Chloe?
Rachel - Why?
Ross - Rachel, I need to know.
Rachel - Yes. I love you. Yes, I love you like I did this time last year. But I don’t trust you as much as I did.
Ross - What if I said that there was a way that you’d be able to make sure that I never did anything like that again? What about if I said that it would be a commitment that wouldn’t be suffocating?
Rachel - What are you trying to say?
Ross - Will you move in with me?
Rachel - What?
Ross - Will you move in with me? I love you very much and I know you don’t feel ready yet to marry me. This is the next best thing. Live with me, Rachel. We’ll be happy. I’ll be able to show you that you can trust me now. What do you say?
Rachel - Oh my god!
Ross - Is that oh my God good or oh my God bad?
Rachel - I don’t know.
Ross - You don’t know?
Rachel - My impulse is to say yes to you, and start searching for a better color paint for your bedroom walls. But…
Ross - But what?
Rachel - But I can’t leave Monica in the lurch. I can’t move in right away. My Dad will go mad. What will your parents say? And what about us? You haven’t lived with anybody but Carol.
Ross - But I haven’t really loved anyone since Carol. I love you. I don’t care about what my parents say. Monica will cope. Before you came, she lived on her own for a year. You could move in today if you really wanted.
Rachel - But what about my sister? She’s gonna be here for a week.
Ross - Does this mean no?
Rachel - Look. There’s no way that I can move in this week. Let me have this week to think about it.
Ross - OK. You know I love you?
Rachel - I kinda got the drift.
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Chandler and Joey)
Chandler - So we’re good? Pizza takeaway coming. Beer in fridge. Complete set of Baywatch videos.
Joey - See? We don’t need Monica. We don’t need any woman. You know why that is?
Chandler - I haven’t had a date since Rachel’s boss and you’re still hung up on that Kate chick?
Joey - No. Well, yeah now! But no, because we’re men!
Chandler - It’s just like that movie says; ‘We’re men, we’re men in tights!’
Joey - Ya-huh!
Chandler - Get the beer out of the fridge!
Joey - OK. Fridge. Door open. No beer.
Chandler - What do you mean, no beer? We have beer.
Joey - No. We don’t.
Chandler - Nip over to Monica’s then and get some!
Joey - You go. Rachel scares me.
Chandler - OK. OK. I’ll go.
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Rachel and her sister (now known as Jenny as I can’t remember her real name))
Chandler - Hey! You got beer?
Jenny - Whatever. I’ll never remember that.
Rachel - Yes, we have beer. You can have some if you tell me if Ross has been over to see you guys yet.
Chandler - No. Not tonight.
Jenny - How many of you live in one apartment?
Chandler - Just two. Oh the beer! That’s so I don’t have to ask Rachel again.
Rachel - So Ross hasn’t told you two…
Chandler - What’s happened? Have you two broken up again? Oh no.
Rachel - No! It’s just I know he talks to you two. I wanted to know if you knew yet.
Chandler - Talking with you is like having a conversation with Lassie!
Jenny - Nice meeting you, Ch….ch…give me a sec, Shane? I’m gonna go to bed. See ya sometime!
Chandler - Close enough. Bye Jenny. Bye
Rachel - I’m sorry about her.
Chandler - There’s no need. I’ll see you later.
Rachel - OK. Tell Ross to come here if he pops in, yeah?
Chandler - Sure.
Scene - Restaurant
(Phoebe and Franco)
Phoebe - So? What do you do for a job, Franco?
Franco - I’m a plumber.
Phoebe - That’s…. that’s nice?
Franco - Not really.
Phoebe - Where do you live?
Franco - At the moment, I live with one of my nieces, Cookie. When she chucks me out in a few weeks, I’ll go and crash at my nephew’s place.
Phoebe - Why don’t you have a house?
Franco - My wives have always won the houses in the divorces.
Phoebe - So how many times have you been married?
Franco - There was Anastasia, Beatrice, Charlotte, Davina, Elsie, Frances, Grace, Hannah, Isla, Janice, Katherine, Laura, Mary, Nora and Olive.
Phoebe - Oh. Just a few then!
Franco - Yes.
Commercial Break
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
{The Next Day}
(Rachel and Jenny)
Jenny - So what’s the deal between you and this guy Ross? Mom told me that you’d got together or something.
Rachel - You remember Monica had an older brother?
Jenny - You mean the real geek? What was his name? Reece? Russ?
Rachel - Ross.
Jenny - You mean that you’re going out with your best friend’s brother?
Rachel - Yup. And he’s not a geek anymore.
Jenny - Sure. I’ll believe it when I see it.
Ross - Honey? Chandler told me that you wanted to see me.
Rachel - Yup.
Ross -
Rachel - Jenny was 16 when you last saw her.
Jenny - Rachel, you were right!
Ross - Right about what?
Rachel - I was just telling her how gorgeous you were and how much I loved you!
Jenny - I think I’ll just leave you two. Enjoy! Rach, is the apartment across the way Shane’s?
Ross - It’s Chandler and Joey’s.
Jenny - Whatever. Toodle pips!
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Joey and Chandler)
Chandler - I am telling you, she is gorgeous!
Joey - Who?
Chandler - Even better than Chloe and Yasmine !
Joey - Wow. Who are you talking about?
Chandler - Rachel’s sister, you big freak!
Joey - What’s her name?
Chandler - Jenny.
Jenny - Did someone call me?
Chandler - Hi! You came! You’re the first person who’s ever said ‘see ya’ to me and actually came!
Joey - I don’t think we’ve been introduced. Joey Tribbiani.
Jenny - Jenny Marsh. Really, I guess I’m Jenny Green again.
Chandler - Yeah, Rachel said you had left your husband.
Joey - Didn’t she say that Jenny had been kicked out by her husband for getting knocked up by her boss? Geez! And you say I’ve got a bad memory!
Chandler - Thank you sooo much for reminding us of that!
Jenny - At least he’s honest. I like that.
Joey - Well, I like…
Jenny - Thanks. You’re funny. Wanna go out for lunch with me?
Joey - Sure.
Chandler - How does he do that???
Scene - Central Perk
(Joey, Chandler, Rachel and Ross)
Joey - Your sister is really great. I mean it!
Rachel - I don’t think you should see her again.
Joey - Why not?
Rachel - OK. She’s 25, she’s pregnant, she’s a man-eater, she’s married and she’s my sister!
Chandler - Oh yes, coming from the girl who’s dating the divorced brother of her best friend!
Ross - That’s not fair. Carol and I had to get divorced. She was a lesbian.
Rachel - Anyway, I don’t want you getting hurt. You listened to Phoebe, now listen to me. She’s bad news when it comes to men.
Joey - I don’t care. I like her.
Rachel - And what about in another six months, when she has her baby? Are you gonna stand by her then?
Chandler - She has a point. Janice and her kid were hard to put up with. And then, it wasn’t the sister of one of my friends!
Joey - I suppose.
Jenny - Rachel, you are not gonna believe this! I just met this gorgeous guy! He’s a doctor, 6’3" and he lives in the suburbs in a house all by himself.
Rachel - Wait a minute. You found a doctor on your fifth day in the city? I looked for nine months!
Ross - Thanks. You realize that I can hear you?
Chandler - But I thought that you and Joey had a thing.
Joey - Why did you think that? Ignore him, Jenny.
Jenny - Shane, you’re so funny!
Chandler - The name’s Chandler.
Jenny - Whatever. I just came to tell you that I’m going home to sort out some of this stuff with Jeff, so I’m leaving now. I packed my stuff and I’ve got a cab waiting. Bye!
Joey - But what about our date tonight?
Rachel - I’m sorry.
Joey - No, that’s OK. I’m gonna go back to the apartment now.
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey)
Phoebe - Anyway, I left him at the restaurant.
Ross - What is it with you girls? Monica and Richard, You and Frank or whatever.
Chandler - Yeah, Rachel, I have this great Uncle. He’s a sprightly 60 years old if you’re interested.
Rachel - No. Don’t worry. I’m happy right now.
Phoebe - But Franco looked so yummy. How was I supposed to know that Franco had been married to all those women?
Ross - So was he specifically looking for a woman whose name began with a ‘P’?
Phoebe - Uh-huh.
Joey - He sounds like my Uncle.
Chandler - Not the one who can clean his ears out with a metal spoon?
Joey - No. And besides, that’s my Aunt.
Monica - Of course. I go away and where do you guys all hang out? My place!
Ross - Hey! What are you doing back? Your plane isn’t due ‘till tomorrow.
Monica - Yeah, well the thing finished and Pete managed to get me an early flight.
Phoebe - Yeah! I need to talk.
Joey - We need beer!
Chandler - And pretzels.
Rachel - And, there’s one other thing.
Monica - OK. Chandler and Joey, there’s a cab waiting downstairs. Amongst my bags, there’s a quick-mart bag. Inside are 12 cans of beer and a bag of Pretzels. Go nuts!
Joey - Yeah!!!
Phoebe - Mon, Franco was a real creep! He wanted another wife!
Monica - I’m sorry. Wanna talk about it over some coffee and brownies?
Phoebe - Yuh-huh.
Ross - Do you want me to tell Mom and Dad that you’re back?
Monica - Yeah, thanks. Rachel honey, what did you want?
Rachel - Um, nothing. I’ll tell you later. I’ve gotta get ready for work.
{Time lapse}
Ross - You’re kidding! The Knicks are always gonna win!
Joey - Nu-huh!
Monica - You mean he’d been married before?
Phoebe - Multiple times.
Rachel - Um guys, you might wanna hear this. Could you turn off the volume?
Chandler - Oh! The game’s about to start!
Rachel - OK. Fine. Monica, I’m giving you a month’s notice. I think that’s fair.
Monica - What do you mean?
Rachel - I’m moving in with Ross. I gotta go to work. Bye.
Ross - Yes!
Monica - You’re moving in together?
Ross - Seems like it. I’d better go.
Chandler - What’s it gonna be like without Monica and Rachel living here?
Phoebe - I don’t know.
Credits
Teaser
Scene - Ross’ Apartment
(Ross and Rachel)
(Ross is on the phone)
Ross - Mom? ….Yes it’s me again……. Yes, Mon’s fine……..I’m sorry to hear that…….OK. Rachel and I are gonna live together!…Yes, that’s what I said……What do you mean?…….OK. Bye.
Rachel - What did she say?
Ross - Ummm. She said she was happy for us.
Rachel - Then I guess it’s my turn to ring my Mom.
Ross - Yup.
The End.
Comments? Opinions? Questions? E-mail me at Rachel4Ross@btinternet.com