Friends
A Script by BSW
The One With Ursula
(We see Chandler bugging Monica about being a boyfriend, Phoebe meeting her Mom, Ross seeing Bonnie’s bald head, him and Rachel arguing then kissing, Ross deciding which door and finally Joey asking if Bonnie will be free tonight.)
Opening Credits
Scene - Phoebe’s Grandmother’s Taxi
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, Phoebe and Ross)
Monica - Why isn’t Rachel coming back with us?
Joey - Why should Ross know?
Monica - OK, Ross. What happened at the beach house? Last night, you were flirting with each other. This morning you haven’t even mentioned her name.
Ross - Pheebs, are we nearly back yet?
Phoebe - No.
Chandler - Good. Now you can tell us what really happened.
Ross - It’s none of your business. Maybe you’ll find out from Rachel when we all get back. Just wait.
Phoebe - OK. Enough with Ross. I found out that Phoebe’s my real Mom.
Monica - What? Sweetie, really?
Phoebe - Yeah, but I don’t really wanna talk about it either.
Joey - (Singing)99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of…
Scene - Central Perk
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, Phoebe and Ross)
Joey - Is Rachel back yet?
Ross - No.
Monica - Are you gonna tell us what happened?
Chandler - Go on, Buddy!
Phoebe - Op! Op! Here comes Rachel. She’ll tell us.
Monica - Honey, how did you get home?
Rachel - Ross, yes, but no.
Ross - Oh, Rachel!
Phoebe - What happened at the beach house?
Scene - Girl’s Apartment
(All the gang)
Ross - OK…Rachel persuaded Bonnie to shave her head….
Rachel - Ross came to have a go at me, but we kissed…..
Ross - Chandler and Joey disturbed us, but I followed Rachel to her room that night…
Monica - OK! We can skip that bit!
Chandler - So what did you mean in the Coffee Shop?
Rachel - Oh, nothing. (Kisses Ross)
Ross - Are you sure about the No part?
Rachel - Quite sure. Not yet!
Phoebe - Will one of you come with me to see Ursula?
Joey - I don’t think it’d be a good idea.
Chandler - Oh, if I went, I’d be a good friend, wouldn’t I Monica?
Phoebe - Eh?
Ross -
Monica - Well, if that’s what you two are gonna do today, I’ll go with Phoebe!
Monica - OK. Let’s go! Are you two sure that you don’t wanna come?
Chandler - We’re sure!
Scene - Guy’s Apartment
(Chandler and Joey are playing with Yasmine)
Joey - I hate this!
Chandler - Shush! She’ll hear you!
Joey - I don’t mean this, I mean this!
Chandler - Glad you’ve cleared that up!
Joey - Rachel and Ross have got a secret, I couldn’t help out Phoebe because of Ursula and you’re not telling me what’s up with you and Monica!
Chandler - The only thing that’s up is the ceiling! There’s nothing happening.
Joey - Yes there is.
Chandler - OK. I said that maybe one day I’ll be her boyfriend and she laughed. She told me that I’m Chandler.
Joey - Come on, you’ve gotta show her that you could be a boyfriend.
Chandler - But why? It’s Monica. I don’t want to be her boyfriend.
Joey - So what’s the problem?
Chandler - I guess…. Nothing!
Joey - See? Yet another problem solved by Agony Aunt Tribbiani.
Chandler - Get away from me! Now!
Scene - Rachel’s Bedroom
(Rachel and Ross are in her bed)
Rachel - Oh!
Ross - I’ve missed you so much!
Rachel - You don’t say!
Ross - Honey, are you sure about your answer?
Rachel - Yes. I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready yet.
Ross -
Rachel - Uh-huh.
Ross - OK. But you love me, yeah?
Rachel - My answer to that one would be….
Scene - Girl’s Kitchen
(Monica and Phoebe)
Phoebe - But how did she know? Why didn’t she tell me?
Monica - It’s not like you two are very close. How could she have told you? "Oh, and by the way, our Mom that died wasn’t our real Mom. She’s alive and lives at the beach!" Is that what you would have wanted?
Phoebe - No.
Monica - And you do have the one up on Ursula; you’ve met Phoebe!
Phoebe - Yeah! Thanks Mon!
Monica - Finally decided to stop, eh?
Ross - Yup. Do you two wanna go out to eat tonight?
Phoebe - I wanna, but I can’t afford to. I’m broke.
Rachel - Don’t worry - it’s on me.
Ross - No. I insist. I’ll pay.
Rachel -
Monica - If Ross’ paying, I’ll come.
Ross -
Rachel - I’ll miss you!
Ross - Miss you more!
Phoebe - He’s sooo dreamy. I’ve missed him these past few months! I wish we’d gone to the beach sooner.
Rachel - What?
Monica - Nothing. It’s just good to see you two back together again. But now we’ve got you on your own, what did you mean in the coffee shop?
Rachel - OK. I’ll talk. First promise you won’t tell Chandler or Joey.
Monica - We won’t!
Rachel - Good. That morning at the beach house, after…, Ross asked me what I wanted. Did I want us to get back together, get married or what.
Monica - Oh my God! He proposed!
Phoebe - What did you say?
Rachel - I told him that I needed time to think about it. I said I’d go home by myself so I could make up my mind. When we were at Central Perk, I told him that I wanted us to be together, but that I couldn’t marry him. He’s asked me twice since.
Monica - My brother wants to marry you! This is great! We’ll be sisters-in-law!
Rachel - Calm down. I’ve told him no. I don’t want a repeat of what happened with Barry.
Phoebe - I’m so happy!
Ross - Aren’t you ready yet? We’ll be late!
Monica - Keep trying.
Commercial Break
Scene - Central Perk
(Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey)
Joey - Where are they?
Chandler - Yeah, weren’t they meant to be here like half an hour ago? But then again, it’s not like we have anything to do.
Monica - Whilst they’re not here, have you heard about Rachel saying no?
Joey - Yeah, but Ross told us not to tell you.
Phoebe - So did Rachel, but she told us not to tell you. We could hardly not tell us, could we?
Chandler - Yeah. What do you think about it?
Monica - Well, at first I thought it’d be really great. But now….
Phoebe - Yeah. It’ll be strange if they do get married.
Joey - They’d be living together. There’d be no more meeting here and just talking.
Chandler - Joey? They practically already live together! I don’t think it’d be so bad. At least they’re back together. The alternative is to spend another four months seeing them separately.
Monica - I suppose. That was hard. But still….
Ross - Hey guys! Sorry we’re late. Someone had to pop in to her apartment to touch up her lipstick!
Chandler - I bet that’s a very happy lipstick right now!
Phoebe - OK. Now you two are here, I can sing my newest song! Yippee!!!
Monica - What’s it called?
Phoebe - ‘Just say yes!’
Rachel - Very tactful!
Phoebe -
Of a friend,
Asked he-er to marry him.
But she said no.
We wish she’d said yes.
But she sai-ai-aid no.
Just say yes,
Just say yes,
Say you’ll ma-arry him.
Go on my friend,
Go on my friend.
Go ahead and just say yes!
Joey - Great, Pheebs!
Monica - Ummm, sure!
Rachel - Excuse me. I’m not gonna put up with this!
Ross - Great!
Phoebe - What did I do?
Scene - Shopping Mall
(Rachel and Mrs.Green)
Rachel - Ross is OK with my answer, but it feels like all my friends think I should accept.
Mrs.Green - Sweetie, getting married is a big step. You only just got back together. Do you think that you can trust him again?
Rachel - Not as much as I used to. I mean, what happens if it happened again?
Mrs.Green - But then again, if you married him, you couldn’t ask for a break, could you?
Rachel - Maybe that’s what scares me about marriage. Having to stay with that one person. Not being able to just take a step back from the relationship.
Mrs.Green - That’s not entirely true. I managed to break free.
Rachel - Mom, I’d better go. I’ve got to get to work. Thanks for your time.
Mrs.Green - Anytime, darling.
Rachel - Just one more thing, don’t tell Daddy, will you? He doesn’t like Ross anyway, especially after what happened.
Mrs.Green - Sure.
Scene - Girls’ apartment
(Monica and Phoebe)
Phoebe - Monica, what was it like dating Richard?
Monica - Great. Why do you ask?
Phoebe - No reason. What did you guys talk about?
Monica - Stuff. We didn’t talk all that much actually. We just did things, went out, that sort of thing. The only time we ever really talked was when we were in bed in the mornings.
Phoebe - So he wasn’t all patronizing or anything?
Monica - Not at all. Why?
Phoebe - Ummm. I’m kinda going on a date next week with this guy, that’s all.
Monica - Yeah? What’s he like?
Phoebe - He’s 6’3", dark hair, blue eyes.
Monica - Mmmmm. Sounds Yummy!
Phoebe - Oh, and he’s 49.
Monica - What?
Phoebe - That’s not old. Richard was 21 years older than you.
Monica - Yeah. And it didn’t work out because of the age difference.
Phoebe - So? It might work for me and Franco.
Monica - What’s his name?
Phoebe - Franco. He’s Italian.
Monica - Then how comes he’s got blue eyes?
Phoebe - They’re contacts.
Monica - So you’re gonna go out with a guy that’s 49, Italian and wears contact lenses?
Phoebe - Yup.
Monica - Are you sure you wanna? I mean, what do you have in common?
Phoebe - Well, his mother died last month and my Mother’s dead as well!
Monica - Honey? Remember? You found out your real Mom lives at the beach!
Phoebe - Oh, yeah! Then nothing!
Scene - Ross’ Apartment
(All of the gang)
(Ross and Rachel are in his kitchen, talking privately. The others are watching TV in the lounge area.)
Rachel - You gotta understand. I love you Ross, more than anyone else. But… I’ve got to have some time to learn how to trust you again. I’ve gotta learn how to trust anyone again.
Ross - I understand. I really hurt you, didn’t I? I mean, I knew I let you down, but…
Rachel - Exactly. And having Monica, Phoebe and the others hassle me into making this huge decision isn’t helping.
Ross - I know. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Monica as soon as I have the chance. It’s just that they’re all so pleased to see us back together!
Rachel - They’re not the only ones.
Ross - Why not? We do at your place.
Rachel - Come on!
Phoebe - There you are! We were worried that you’d got lost or something.
Joey - Yeah, or the oven ate you or something!
Chandler - Oh yes. The perfect horror movie: ‘The Aga that did’!
Ross - Uh hum. Anyway, what’s on? Anything good?
Monica - News, Weather, Wrestling or ‘Home Alone’.
Phoebe - That’s like my favourite movie! Oh except I can’t watch it.
Rachel - Wh… Why?
Phoebe - ‘Cause the parents leave him behind!
Ross - Is that the whole sad movies thing again?
Phoebe - Oh, no. It’s just that it happened to me once. My Mom went on holiday and forgot to bring me with her.
Chandler - So then, Central Perk it is!
Scene - Central Perk
{Later that day}
Chandler - And so then, I told her ‘Hey, it’s only a million! We’ll get
it next week!’
Gunther - Rachel? There’s a phone call for you. It’s your sister.
Rachel - My sister? I’m coming. < moves toward the bar>
Gunther -
Monica - Anyway, guess what? Pete phoned.
Ross - Didn’t you guys break up? Why is he still calling you?
Monica - He wants me to go with him to this huge social event.
Chandler - What is it? The Oscars again?
Joey -
Monica - No, but it is in Chicago. I’ll be gone a week. Will you all be OK?
Phoebe/Chandler/Ross/Joey - Yeah/ Sure/ We can cope/ We’ll be OK etc.
Ross - So? What did she want?
Rachel - She wants to stay here for a week. She’s left her husband.
Monica - Oh my God! Why?
Rachel - She kinda had to. He found out she isn’t having his baby.
Chandler - Whose is it?
Rachel -
Joey - Hey. That’ll be great! Monica’s gonna be gone for a week, so she could sleep at your place.
Rachel - Really? Are you going?
Monica - Yeah, but only if you guys are sure that you’ll be OK without me…
Rachel - …. Great!
Chandler - So, what’s your sister like?
Rachel - She’s OK. Kinda tall, blond hair.
Joey - And she’s single?
Credits
Teaser
Scene - Girl’s Apartment
(Monica)
(She is sat at the kitchen table, writing)
Monica -
The End.
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