Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
[Scene: Central Perk (Everyone is present)]
Rachel: So you're saying that nothing's going on between you two?
Phoebe: Pretty much.
Joey: Yeah, we had sex 32 times and decided that was enough. Now we're just really good friends.
Chandler: Man I wish I could have had sex with my best friend before I got married.
Monica: Are you saying that I wasn't your best friend?
Ross: For the sake of Joey's ass I hope so.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk (Continued from earlier)]
Phoebe: So have you broken the news to Courteney yet?
Chandler: What news?
Joey: I'm breaking up with Courteney.
Rachel: What, why, ah how come?
Joey: How 'bout I answer the questions with one answer. I'm not ready to get married and it's best if Courteney went along her way. I love her, but not enough to marry her.
Chandler: Great, I'm gonna lose my secretary.
Monica: Would you stop being so selfish? This must be hard for Joey.
Joey: Not really. I've had a lot of practice.
Chandler: See? I told you. Look, you're never allowed to date my secretaries again.
Joey: Courteney was the first attractive secretary you ever had.
Phoebe: What about me? I was Chandler's secretary.
Joey: Except Phoebe of course. You know I love you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I'd be your secretary again Chandler.
Chandler: Huh? Ah, right, you already were my secretary once and that didn't go too well.
Phoebe: So much for trying to help out.
Joey: You just wanna sleep with me again.
Phoebe: In your dreams.
Rachel: I see things are back to normal between you two.
Monica: I'll be right back.
Ross: Where are you going?
Monica: To the bathroom. I think I'm gonna be sick. (Monica races to the bathroom)
Rachel: I gonna make sure she's alright. (Rachel gets up and follows her)
Joey: Mon's really been sick lately is she alright?
Phoebe: She just pregnant.
Chandler: How'd you know she's pregnant?
Phoebe: I didn't. Wild guess. But I guess the cat's out of the bag now.
Joey: Congratulations man. (to Ross) I suppose you want to get in your high fives too.
Ross: I've known for a while.
Joey: (to Chandler) You mean I'm the last to find out?
Chandler: We didn't want to tell anyone because Monica's really frightened about being pregnant. She doesn't want anything to go wrong.
Phoebe: I'm sure she'll be fine. Morning sickness is normal. Hell, I threw up for five months straight when I was pregnant.
Ross: I'm sure that'll make her feel that much better.
Phoebe: Yeah, I use to see how far away from the toilet I could get before I got some on the floor.
Joey: Now I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Scene: Joey & Courteney's apartment (Joey and Courteney are eating lunch)
Courteney: Your being awfully quiet, the cat got your tongue?
Joey: Ah, we don't own a cat. We own a chick and a duck.
Courteney: It was an expression.
Joey: What was?
Courteney: Forget it. What's the matter?
Joey: Nothing's the matter.
Courteney: Alright. My parents want to know if we want to have dinner with them. What da ya think?
Joey: About what?
Courteney: Are you listening to me?
Joey: Yeah.
Courteney: Do you wanna have dinner with my parents then?
Joey: No.
Courteney: No?
Joey: No, I don't think it's a good idea.
Courteney: Why not?
Joey (long pause): I'm breaking our engagement. I'm leaving you.
(Courteney stands in shock)
[Scene: Chandler & Monica's appartment (Monica is napping on the couch. Chandler and Phoebe are playing cards at the table)]
Phoebe: Do you have any fives?
Chandler: We're playing Gin Pheebs not Go Fish.
Phoebe: So? Do you or don't you have any fives?
Chandler: Yes I do. Why?
Phoebe: I wasn't sure if I should discard the one I have in my hand or not.
Chandler: Just discard. (Phoebe throws down an eight. Chandler picks it up) Just what I needed Phoebe. Gin.
Phoebe: Damn it!
(Monica awakens startled)
Monica: What?! What?! What's wrong?!
Phoebe: Your stupid husband just beat me at Gin.
Chandler: Are you alright Mon, you're white as a ghost?
Monica: My belly really hurts.
Phoebe: Can we get you anything?
Monica: No. I better go to the bathroom.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) She should just set up shop in there.
Phoebe: You can be such a jerk sometimes. (Goes to check on Monica)
Chandler: I can't win anymore.
Phoebe: (calling from the bathroom) Chandler! Chandler, call 911 now!
Chandler: What's wrong?!
Phoebe: Monica passed out and there's blood coming from between her legs! Now call 911!
Chandler: (dialing) Yes, 911? Yeah, it's my wife! Something's terribly wrong! She, she, she's bleeding between her legs! (pause) Yeah she's pregnant! Ok! Ok!
Phoebe: Are they coming?!
Chandler: (entering the bathroom) Oh my God! Monica! Monica, I'm right here! (to Phoebe) Go down stairs and wait for the paramedics! Show them where we are!
Phoebe: I wanna stay here!
Chandler: Go!
[Scene: Joey & Courtney's apartment (Continued from before)]
Courteney: You're ending things between us?
Joey: Yeah. I'm sorry, I just can't marry you.
Courteney: (now crying) Why not?
Joey: 'Cause I'm not ready yet.
Courteney: Then why in the hell did you ask me to marry you?!
Joey: I got caught up in the moment. I really do love you, I just can't marry you.
Courteney: Well this is just great. Who is she?
Joey: Pardon?
Courteney: Who stole your heart?
Joey: No one did. I'm just not ready for marriage.
Courteney: It's Phoebe isn't it?
Joey: Phoebe has nothing to do with this.
Courteney: You slept with her didn't you?
Joey: What does that matter?
Courteney: Oh my God, you slept with Phoebe when you stayed at her place! You weren't just talking about her problems, you were screwing her!
Joey: That's not how it happened.
Courteney: Did you sleep with her? (Joey doesn't answer) Damn it Joey! Did you sleep with her? Answer me!
Joey: I slept with her.
Courteney: You're a pig! Get out!
Joey: You get out, this is my apartment!
Courteney: Fine! But don't come looking for me, we're through!
Joey: Courteney, don't leave it like this. I really do care for you.
Courteney: You care for me? You went and stuck your pen in someone else's ink!
Joey: I made a mistake. Phoebe and I have been friends for a long time, it just happened.
Courteney: That makes it so much better!
Joey: Look, I was confused. I needed to know for sure whether I was ready or not to get married.
Courteney: And screwing your good friend Phoebe was the best way to determine that? What are you, 8? Why didn't you just talk to me?
Joey: 'Cause I think with the wrong head?
Courteney: You come any closer to me and I'm gonna cut that head off!
Joey: I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you.
Courteney: Will you did a good job avoiding that now didn't you! I can't believe I've wasted my time on you. I thought you were different. Actually you are different. You are scum. You are the mold on bread. You are the, the... .
Joey: I got it!
(They both stop to hear the ruckus going on out in the hall)
Courteney: What is that? Can't they see we're fighting here?
(Joey opens the door to see Monica on a stretcher surrounded by paramedics, Phoebe and Chandler)
Joey: (to Chandler) What happened?
Chandler: Monica's in serious trouble, we're on the way to the hospital now!
Courteney: Is she alright?
Phoebe: Does she look alright?
Courteney: I wasn't talking to you you whore.
(Phoebe looks at Joey)
Joey: She knows.
Phoebe: I think I'll be going now.
Chandler: (to Joey) Call Ross and Rachel. We're going to Mt. Sinai Hospital.
Joey: Ok. I'll follow right behind you.
(Joey shuts the door)
Courteney: Where do you think you're going?
Joey: One of my closest friends is in trouble and you're wondering where am I going? What are you? Selfish?
Courteney: We're breaking up here! You don't walk out on a breakup!
Joey: This is why I can't marry you, you always think of yourself first.
(Courteney slaps Joey)
Courteney: We're finished now.
Joey: Good. I have to go now. Take your time cleaning out your stuff.
[Scene: Ross & Rachel's apartment (Ross and Rachel are cleaning the apartment naked)]
Rachel: This is so much fun!
Ross: I told you it was.
Rachel: Be careful with that vacuum. I don't want you to harm the baby making equipment.
Ross: (sticking the vacuum cleaner hose to Rachel's neck) Look, it's a hickey making machine!
Rachel: Ross! Cut it out! We're supposed to have dinner with your parents tonight!
Ross: Ew, that left a huge hickey on your neck.
Rachel: Give me that!
Ross: Why?
Rachel: I wanna give you one.
Ross: Forget it.
Rachel: How about a hummer?
Ross: That would be interesting. (There's a knock on the door)
Rachel: Who is it?
Joey: It's Joey. Monica's in the hospital. Hurry up, we've gotta go!
(Rachel opens the door forgetting she's naked)
Rachel: What? What happened?!
Joey: Ah Rachel, you're completely naked.
Rachel: (runs and takes cover in the kitchen) Oops!
Joey: Ross, would you please cover up?
Ross: Right.
Joey: What were you guys doing?
Ross: Cleaning.
Joey: I definitely need to hang out at the Geller household more often.
Rachel: What's the matter with Monica?
Joey: I really don't know. The paramedics took her to Mt. Sinai. Now go get some clothes on and let's go. Oh, and Rach, nice boobies, Ross is a lucky man.
[Scene: Mt. Sinai Hospital - Waiting Room (Chandler, Phoebe, Mr. & Mrs. Geller are present)]
Chandler: This is all my fault. Always joking around with her and saying that everything was gonna be fine.
Mrs. Geller: Why didn't you tell us that our daughter was pregnant Chandler?
Chandler: She didn't want anyone to know. She was afraid that something might happen.
Mr. Geller: It's gonna be ok Judy. Monica will pull out of this, she always does.
Phoebe: But what if she doesn't? (everyone stares at Phoebe) Sorry, it just came out.
(Ross, Rachel and Joey enter)
Ross: Mom, Dad, how is she?
Mrs. Geller: We don't know anything yet. The doctor is still in there with her.
Mr. Geller: What have you two been up to? (looks at Rachel's neck) Been doing some serious necking?
Rachel: (embarrassed) No, we were cleaning the apartment.
Joey: Don't forget the naked part.
Rachel: Joey!
Mr. Geller: Ah don't be shy Rachel, Judy and I still clean the house naked once and a while.
Ross: Too much information Dad!
Chandler: Where is the God damn doctor?!
Ross: It's gonna be ok Chandler.
Chandler: How do you know? She could be dead for all I know. I could've lost the most important person in my life. So tell me Ross, how do you know that's it's gonna be ok? Are you a doctor?
Ross: I don't know, I was only trying to help.
Chandler: Well stop trying to help!
Joey: Actually Chandler, he is a doctor. That's why they call him Dr. Geller.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Get him away from me now!
Phoebe: Let's go get some ice cream Joe in the cafeteria. (Phoebe and Joey leave)
Rachel: Why don't we all just sit down and wait for the doctor to come out? (everyone but Chandler sits) Well four out of five isn't bad.
[Scene: Mt. Sinai - Cafeteria (Joey and Phoebe are eating ice cream)]
Phoebe: So you broke up with her?
Joey: Yeah and it got ugly.
Phoebe: What did you expect? You told her that you slept with me.
Joey: I dunno. I just figured she'd understand that I can't marry her. It wouldn't be fair to her.
Phoebe: How did you leave it?
Joey: I told her that she could take all the time she needed to move her stuff out.
Phoebe: You left her in your apartment?
Joey: Yeah. Monica was in trouble. That's more important to me than breaking up with Courteney.
Phoebe: That's why you couldn't marry Courteney Joey.
Joey: Huh?
Phoebe: You care more about your friends then you do for her.
Joey: I care for Courteney.
Phoebe: I'm just saying that you care for your friends more than you care for Courteney. If you were ready for marriage, it'd be the other way around.
Joey: You're right. I do care more about my friends then her. Thanks Phoebe. I love you.
Phoebe: I love you too Joey.
[Scene: Mt. Sinai Hospital - Waiting Room]
Chandler: I think I'm gonna be sick.
Ross: Here's a trash can.
Chandler: What did I tell you about helping?
Ross: Hey, she's my sister you know. I've known her longer than you!
Chandler: Well she's my wife now! So back off!
Mr. Geller: Boys, knock it off!
Rachel: Ross come sit by me.
Ross: Why?
Rachel: Because I said so. (Ross sits down by Rachel)
(Phoebe and Joey return)
Joey: Any news?
Mrs. Geller: No. We're still waiting.
Phoebe: Should I go get my guitar?
Everyone: No!
Phoebe: Ok, I'm sensing a little hostility towards the arts here.
(The Doctor comes out and everyone stands)
Dr. Newer: Hi, I'm Dr. Maureen Newer, Monica's OBGYN-Doctor. Where's Chandler?
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Is she ok?
Dr. Newer: She's gonna be fine.
Chandler: And the baby?
Dr. Newer: I'm sorry, Monica's body aborted the fetus.
Chandler: Huh?
Dr. Newer: Monica had a miscarriage, I'm sorry.
(Chandler breaks down in tears and is comforted by Rachel)
Mrs. Geller: Will she ever be able to have kids?
Dr. Newer: It's still a little too early to tell, but after examining her, it looks like she will be able to have kids. What Monica needs right now is her family and friends and from what I can see, she definitely has that. Chandler, would you like to see your wife? She's asked to see you.
Chandler: Ok.
[Scene: Mt. Sinai Hospital - Monica's Room]
Chandler: Hi sweetie.
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: How you doin'?
Monica: (laughs weakly) I'm missing about a quart of blood. How you doin'?
Chandler: I'm a little shaken, but not stirred.
Monica: (filling up with tears) I'm sorry, this is all my fault.
Chandler: Don't say that. It's no one's fault, things just happen.
Monica: But it happened to me!
Chandler: And you'll, I mean we, will get through it. Dr. Newer said that we can try for another baby soon.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Yes.
Monica: Do you wanna do it right now?
Chandler: I think you should get your energy back some other way.
Monica: This happened because I got drunk at the wedding.
Chandler: It had nothing to do with that.
Monica: Yes it did.
Chandler: Listen to me, it had nothing to do with that. Sometimes things just happen for a reason and this is one of those times. This happened so we can learn more about ourselves.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Chandler: Sorry, I heard that on Oprah. But seriously, we're gonna be ok. Now get some rest. I'm gonna tell the others to go home and say they can see you tomorrow.
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Yeah?
Monica: I love you.
Chandler: I love you too.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Hall Outside Joey's Apartment]
Phoebe: Do you think she's gone?
Joey: She probably went to her parents. Do you wanna come inside?
Phoebe: And do what?
Joey: Have sex.
Phoebe: I told you, we're not doing that anymore.
Joey: I was kidding. We can just hang out.
Phoebe: Alright.
(Joey opens the door to his apartment. He and Phoebe enter, the whole place has been cleaned out)
Phoebe: Well it looks like she cleaned you out. She took her stuff and yours.
Joey: Can I stay at your place for a while?
End