Written by:†† Ethan

††††††††††††††††††††††† †††††††††††

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.




Joey:Thanks to you I have to spend the entire day in Disneyland jail!


Phoebe:Stop whining, itís not that bad.


Security Officer (escorting an elderly lady in):Right this way maíam.


Joey:Oh crap, itís the woman from the airplane.


Phoebe:How do you know?


Elderly Woman (pointing at Joey):Thatís him! Thatís the one who canít keep his thing in his pants!


Phoebe:I guess she remembers you.


Joey:Well I do have impressive equipment.


Security Officer:Knock off the chatter in there you two.


Phoebe:This isnít Russia you know!This is America, I can talk if I want to!

Joey:Shut up Phoebe!


Security Officer:Thanks for your help Mrs. Disney.Iíll ensure that these two get escorted out of the park immediately.


Phoebe:Oh my God, Mrs. Disney has it out for your thing.


Joey:She joins the list of many.






Julie:This is fun.




Julie:This.Seeing you again, itís fun.


Ross:Yeah, it is, isnít it?


Julie:Whatís the matter?


Ross:I just remembered that I was to meet Rachel in front of Space Mountain at noon.


Julie:Well itís 1:00, it looks like you missed her.


Ross:Sheís gonna kill me.


Julie:Yeah, and I donít wanna be around for that. Maybe I should I go?


Ross:Itís too late for that, there she is.Crap, sheís walking this way!


Julie:Is that Jennifer Aniston walking with her?


Ross:Yeah, the gang came to visit her and Brad.


Julie:You actually know Brad Pitt?


Ross:Yeah.Not for much longer though.


Rachel (entering the eatery):Ross Geller!Get your ass over here right now!


Ross:Itís been nice knowing Julie you, take care.


Jennifer (to Rachel):Whatever you do donít kill him here, theyíve got real strict security.


Ross:Hey honey, I was just gonna look for you.


Rachel:Donít ďhey honeyĒ me you jerk.You were supposed to meet us an hour ago!


Ross (innocently):Calm down. I forgot.Iím sorry.


Rachel:Calm down?


Ross:Youíre making a scene.


Rachel: So?


Ross:So itís embarrassing.


Rachel:So what.Whoís the little missy youíve been having lunch with?


Ross:What missy?


Rachel:The one you were sitting at that table with?


Ross:Oh her, sheís just a person I met while buying souvenirs.


(Julie approaches)


Julie:Hey Rachel, itís great to see you again.


Rachel:Who are you?


Julie:Itís me, Julie, Rossís ex-girlfriend.He left me to be with you.


Rachel:Just some person you met at the souvenir shop eh?


Ross:I guess itís one to one on the lying thing now?


Rachel:Well I hope you two have a good day together.Make sure Julie gives you a ride home Ross, Ďcause youíre gonna need it.(to Jennifer)Letís go Jen.


Ross:Rachel, Rachel wait!††


Jennifer:Iíll talk to her Ross.Meet us at the exit at 4:00.††


Julie:Iíd better go.It was good seeing you Ross.


Ross:Sorry about this Julie.


Julie:Itís ok.Some things never change.




Julie:Face it, Rachel never did like me.Goodbye Ross.


DISNEYLAND Ė THE MATTERHORN(Ben and Brad are present and sitting in a coaster car)


Ben:Is this ride gonna be as scary as Space Mountain?


Brad:Do you want it to be?




Brad:Then itís gonna be even scarier.


Ben:Can I close my eyes?


Brad:You can do whatever you want buddy.


Ben:Can I be like my Dad and scream like a girl?


Brad:Your Dad does that?


Ben:Heís always screaming like my Mommies.


DISNEYLAND Ė SKYWAY RIDE (Chandler and Monica are riding high across the park)


Monica:Iím really worried.




Monica:ĎCause we havenít seen Joey or Phoebe since they left the group this morning.


Chandler:Iím sure theyíre fine.Knowing them theyíre probably off having sex someplace quiet.


Monica:Youíre probably right.(pause) Can I ask you a question?


Chandler:Do I have a choice?


Monica:Not if you donít wanna see me naked again in this lifetime.


Chandler:Well that makes it an easy answer.Whatís up?


Monica:Has the spontaneity in our sex life diminished since we got married?


Chandler:Do I have to answer truthfully?




Chandler:Yes, itís become totally predictable.


Monica:I feel that way too.


Chandler:But thatís ok, because I love you and thatís all that matters.


Monica:Youíre full of crap.


Chandler:And Iíll have sex with you whenever and wherever you want.


Monica (pulling down her pants):Then drop your drawers buddy, weíre gettiní busy right here and now.


Chandler:What are you doing?!


Monica:Weíre having sex on this ride.Drop your pants.


Chandler:Weíre gonna get caught!


Monica:No weíre not.Weíre high in the air and they donít have cameras up here.Now strip!


Chandler:Ok, ok, you win!


DISNEYLAND Ė ITíS A SMALL WORLD (Rachel and Jennifer are present)


Rachel:I donít even want to be here anymore.Ross has ruined my whole day.


Jennifer:Itís not that bad Rachel.So he had lunch with an ex-girlfriend, so what? Heís married to you.Itís not like he cheated on you.


Rachel:Whoís side are you on?


Jennifer:Iím not on anyoneís side.Iím just trying to make you see reality.


Rachel:The only reality I see is Ross having lunch with Julie and lying to me about it.


Jennifer:Have you ever lied to him since you got married?


Rachel:What does that matter?


Jennifer:Iíll take that as a yes.


Rachel:Look, this is entirely different.Weíre on a vacation together, he shouldnít be off having lunch with an ex-girlfriend.He should be having lunch with his pregnant wife.


Jennifer:I agree.


Rachel:Then why are you defending him?


Jennifer:Iím not defending Ross.


Rachel:You so are!


Jennifer:I think the real problem is that you donít like the person he had lunch with.


Rachel:Thatís not true.


Jennifer:Didnít you say he had lunch with Julie?




Jennifer:And isnít Julie the girl that Ross was with prior to being with you the first time you guys dated?The girl he came back from China with?


Rachel:Yes. (pause) How in the hell did you remember all that?


Jennifer:Itís a gift.I never forget a conversation.


Rachel:When did we ever talk about Julie?


Jennifer:You and I didnít.I had the conversation with Ross at dinner that first night that I met you.


Rachel:You did?


Jennifer:No, Iím making this all up.Of course we did.Ross explained to me how he dumped Julie because he wanted to be with you.He also told me about the stupid list he made with Chandler and Joeyís help.Then he told me about that day that you guys finally got together.†††


Rachel:This is unbelievable.


Jennifer:Iím an unbelievable person.And you donít like Julie do you?


Rachel:Not really.What else did he say?


Jennifer:After you walked away earlier, he said ďtell Rachel Iím sorry, that I screwed up and I love herĒ.


Rachel:†† Fine, he can have a ride home, but Iím still gonna make him think that Iím mad at him.


Jennifer:Thatís the spirit!See, youíre learning.


Rachel:I take it that youíve done this before.


Jennifer:Yeah, I get mad at Brad all the time.††


DISNEYLAND Ė THE BUMPER CARS (Brad and Ben are about to get in line.Ross approaches)


Ben:Thereís Daddy!




Ben (pointing):Right there!




Ross:Hey guys!Having fun with Uncle Brad Ben?


Ben: Yeah, weíve been on tons of rides.


Ross:Thatís great!(to Brad)How are you holding up?


Brad:Fine, your son is an absolute blast.Hey we missed you at lunch.


Ross:Yeah, Iím in trouble for that.


Brad:Yeah, I know. Donít feel bad, Iím with trouble with Jennifer all the time, I can totally relate to what youíre going through.


Ross:So are you guys going on the bumper cars?


Ben:Yeah!Are you gonna come Daddy?


Ross:You betcha.


Ben:And it shouldnít be scary Daddy so you wonít have to scream like a girl like you usually do.


DISNEYLAND Ė SECURITY OFFICE (Chandler and Monica are being brought in.Phoebe and Joey are also present)


Monica:Youíve got nothing on us!You might as well let us go.


Chandler:Yeah, we didnít do anything wrong.


Security Officer:Look, weíve got you two having sex on tape.


Phoebe:Monica!Joey look, itís Monica and Chandler!


Joey:Dude, welcome to the party!


Monica (to the Security Officer):We honestly donít know those two.


Chandler:Weíve been wondering what happened to you two.Sex on the SkyWay?


Joey:Yeah.It was Phoebeís idea.She said there were no cameras.


Chandler:Thatís exactly what Monica said!


Security Officer:Ok, (to Joey and Phoebe) letís go you two.Iím throwing the four of you out of the park.


Joey:Canít we stop and get something to eat first?


Security Officer:Ah, no.


Phoebe (to Monica):Did you guys get to finish?


Monica:Yeah, itís Chandler after all.


Phoebe:Youíre so lucky.The ride ended before we could finish.††††††


DISNEYLAND - THE EXIT (Brad, Ross and Ben are waiting for the rest of the gang)


Ross:Whereís everyone else, itís 4:03, theyíre late.


Brad:Relax Ross, theyíll all be here.


Ross:I just know that Rachelís still mad at me.Do you have a comfortable couch at your place?


Brad:Yeah, why?


Ross:Because thatís where Iím sleeping tonight.


Brad:Not if I beat you to it.


Ross:Is Jen mad at you?


Brad:Not yet, but the day is still young.


Ben:Hey, thereís Uncle Joey!




Ben (pointing):Right there on the other side of the gate.


Ross:Joey! (no reaction from Joey)Joey!


Joey:Hey guys.Are you coming out here?


Ross:Yeah, as soon as everyone else shows up.What are you doing out there?


Joey:I got kicked out of the park for having sex on a ride.Oh, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica are here with me too.They got busted for the same thing.


Brad:Which ride did you do it on?


Joey:The SkyWay.


Ross:How long have you been waiting for us?


Joey:A couple of hours.Do you have any food?




(Rachel and Jennifer approach)


Rachel:Are you guys ready to go?


Ross:Youíre late!


Rachel:Are you talking to me?


Ross:No, not really.


Rachel:I didnít think so.


Jennifer:Where are Joey and Phoebe and Monica and Chandler?


Brad:Theyíre already in the parking lot.They got kicked out for having sex on a ride.


Jennifer:The SkyWay?


Brad:What else would it be?


Rachel:If it is was Ross it wouldíve been Itís A Small World.


Ross:Are you gonna let go of my past at all today?


Rachel:Youíre the one who brought the past up.


Jennifer:Well I guess weíre ready to go.


Brad:Do you wanna ride on my shoulders Ben?




Jennifer (to Rachel):And the baby-making sessions are on.


BRAD & JENNIFERíS RESIDENCE (Everyone is present and having dinner)


Monica:This is really good Jen.


Jennifer:Donít thank me, thank Boston Market.


Phoebe:Thanks for making me a salad Brad.


Brad:Not a problem Pheebs.


Chandler:Hey Ben, did you get your picture taken with Mickey Mouse?


Ben:No way, Mickey Mouse is for girls.


Monica:Donít feel bad Chandler, Iím sure a lot of grown men got their picture taken with Mickey Mouse.


Ross:Could you pass the mashed potatoes Rach?




Ross:Could you pass the mashed potatoes please?


Rachel (taking a spoonful of potatoes and throwing it at Ross):Here you go.


Ross (getting up from the table):Whatís your f%^&ing problem?


Ben:Daddy donít swear!


Joey:Whoa! No one throws food around here unless itís me.


Rachel (who notices everyone is staring at her):What?He said pass the potatoes.


Ross:Why donít you go f#$% yourself Rach!(Ross leaves the kitchen and goes outside)


Joey:Chandler, pass the chicken.(now everyone stares at Joey)What?Iím hungry.Ross will come back.


Ben (starting to cry):Mommy, donít leave Daddy again!


Rachel:Come here honey, Mommyís not leaving Daddy.Iím sorry everyone, Iím gonna go talk to Ross.(Rachel hugs Ben and gets up from the table)††


TIME LAPSE -(Rachel has returned without Ross)


Jennifer:Did you guys kiss and make-up?


Rachel:No, I couldnít find him.


Joey:Maybe he wentÖ.whereís a place that he couldíve gone to around here Brad?


Brad:Maybe he went to Starbucks.


Joey:Yeah, there you go Rachel, he went to Starbucks.


Rachel:No, he wasnít there.


Monica:How do you know?


Rachel:I stopped there for a latte while I was out looking for him.


Chandler:Is there a whorehouse nearby?




Chandler:Sorry, I was trying to lighten up the place.


Monica:Go to your room Chandler!






(Chandler gets up to go upstairs)


Ben (teasing):Ha, ha, you got in trouble, you got in trouble!


Rachel:Do you wanna join him Ben?


Ben (afraid):No.


Rachel:Then knock it off!This is serious, youíre Daddy is missing.Mommy has to find him before he gets into any trouble.


Phoebe:Come here Ben, Iíll protect you from the wicked stepmother.


Rachel:Phoebe, not now!


Phoebe:Donít yell at me, youíre the one who threw the mashed potatoes at him.


Jennifer:Maybe he went to the Hilton.


Rachel:Whereís that?


Brad:The closest one is in Hollywood.


Phoebe:Why donít you call there and see if he has checked in.


Rachel:Good idea, whatís the number?


Phoebe:What do I look like, a phone book?


Jennifer:The phone book is in the kitchen Rach.


Rachel:Thanks.(Rachel goes off to the kitchen)


Brad:This has been a weird day.Do they always fight like this?


Phoebe:No.Thatís the first time Iíve ever seen Rach that upset.


Joey:What about the time he slept with Chloe?


Phoebe:Ok, this is the second time Iíve seen Rach this upset.




BRAD & JENNIFERíS RESIDENCE(Rachel is calling the Hilton)


Rachel:Hi. Ah, this is Rachel Green, I mean Rachel Geller.Did a Ross Geller check in there tonight?(pause)Are you sure? (pause)Ok, thanks anyway.


Jennifer:Was he there?


Rachel (tears filling her eyes):No.What have I done? Iím gonna lose the only man Iíve ever loved.


Jennifer:Who knows, maybe he checked in under an alias.This is Hollywood you know.


Rachel:Like what?


Jennifer:I donít know, Dr. Ben Dover?